Page 29 of Perfect Chemistry

[Goodbye, Kai.]

* * *

I looked down at all of the messages I had sent him, all of them left unanswered. I turned off my phone and threw it into the bottom of my bag. I wouldn’t do this to myself anymore.

I dragged my small duffel bag down the stairs to the front door. My mom was in tears, but what else was new. My recruiter was coming here in less than two hours to take me to the military processing station.

Andie followed my sisters out of our kitchen and hugged me. “Come on, we should sit outside and enjoy your final moments of freedom.”

I wanted to laugh, but I felt like I was being suffocated. Fiona smiled sadly and made some excuse about needing to call someone and left me after a brief hug. My older sister, Candace, had to get to work and nearly cried hugging me. We had a five year age gap between us which meant we weren’t super close, but she always made it a point to show up for me.

“I love you. Don’t forget about me,” she whispered.

“Not possible,” I whispered back.

Andie and I stepped out into the summer heat on the back patio of my parent’s home, she offered me a cigarette. “Want one?”

I shook my head, my eyes burning from the utter sadness I had been holding back. My older sister leaned over and gave me one more hug. Both of my sisters knew that I was struggling, and had hugged me while I sobbed in my bed the night before.

Andie lit her cigarette and took a seat at the picnic table. “Ok, it’s just us. So spill it, Katiedid.”

I smiled at the nickname that she had always used when we had serious talks. Then, finally, I let out a staggered breath and told her everything.

Kai wanted me to give up the military. He wanted me to stay here and go to college with him. Kai wanted to start our lives together, and when I said I wouldn’t back out, he broke it off. Kai hadn’t said a word to me this last week. He stopped answering my calls or responding to my texts, and Bradley wouldn’t talk to me either. So I was leaving with all of these words unsaid. My heart was completely and irrevocably broken.

Andie pulled me into her arms and hugged me. “It’ll be okay,” she cooed while rubbing my back. “I don’t know what will happen after this, but it will be okay. You are stronger than you know, Katiedid.”

We sat there and talked until my mom stepped outside to tell me that it was time. I walked through the house to a waiting Gunnery Sergeant Thompson. With my bag in hand, I trudged out the door. I gave my mom and dad hugs and then burst into laughter as my sisters jumped out of the next room together to bear hug me.

“I thought you left me!” I yelled, laughing.

“Never! We just let you have a little time with Andie,” Candace explained, wiping a tear from my cheek.

“You ready, Private Preston?” Thompson asked, interrupting our small moment.

I nodded and followed him to his small sedan. As I climbed into the passenger seat, he put my bag in the trunk. I looked down the road hoping to see Kai’s car, but there was no one. He was not coming for me this time. I wiped the tears from my eyes as Thompson climbed in and started the car.

“Don’t worry about this stuff. It’s hard to leave home. We’ve all done it. This is a great start for your future,” he reassured me as we drove off.

I sat waving goodbye to everyone until my house fell out of sight. Then, staring ahead at the road, I promised myself to be stronger. I wasn’t enough for Kai, but I was enough.

And someone would love me for me one day.

I was 18 years old and had barely started my journey.

I had a long road ahead of me, like Andie said.

* * *

“All right, recruits. Line up, single file. You will proceed through the processing depot to obtain your identification card, health check, and finally your uniform and equipment issue. Do not assume that these Marines know you have clown feet. Sound off with your information when asked. Is that clear?”

“YES, DRILL INSTRUCTOR!” a group of sixty other recruits responded with me.

This was everything that I hoped it would be, with the added bonus of being in southern California. I didn’t get Lejeune for training, but left for Pendleton instead after basic training.

“Name?”

“Private First Class Preston.”

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