Page 48 of Lust For

We’re a mess for a while, the four of us just standing there holding onto one another, murmuring I love yous and trying to get it together. It takes some time, but we finally do it.

“Fuck, the fire,” Derek says. He’s no longer behind me, and my body registers the loss immediately.

Pulling away from my family, Emma comes over and gives me a hug. She knew, of course, but in this moment, she wants to provide comfort too.

“Love you,” she says quietly.

“Love you more, sunshine.”

Aiden and Brent are quietly talking. Brent is doing his best to comfort Aiden with words of encouragement, and Aiden slaps him on the back and turns to look at me. He simply nods, but I know him well enough to know that he’s not mad at me for not telling him and we’re going to get through this together.

“Let’s bring this up a bit,” Aiden says, shaking his head.

“Yeah, totally,” Emma agrees.

“We could roast s’mores,” Dad says.

Everyone agrees. I want to get this night back to what our bonfires always were before the sad news broke. There was always singing and storytelling, and roasting s’mores has always been one of my dad’s favorite pastimes. It’s his favorite treat, and every year for his birthday, my mom would find some type of s’mores-themed dessert to celebrate with. In that moment, as I watch my dad put a marshmallow on his stick, I know I will never look at a s’more without thinking of him. As if he knows, he looks over at me and winks.

“You good?” a voice asks me quietly.

I smile at Derek. “I’m good,” I reply lowly. I’m not really and I think he knows that, but what else can I say at this point? My dad will more than likely die, according to everything I’ve Googled, and my family will cease to exist as I know it. Right now, in this moment, it’s my job to just enjoy them.

So, I do it.

I sit back down on the bench with Emma, and everyone else takes their seats too. The conversation starts slowly at first, but eventually, it’s boisterous and loud like the old days when we would have bonfires. Aiden is regaling us with the time that a drunk and naked chick walked onto their tour bus. We’re all laughing, even my parents. These are the moments I will remember with my family.

I’m torn from my sentimental thoughts when my dad turns to Derek and says, “So where’s Serena tonight?”

“Ugh,” Derek says, looking up at the sky. “You heard about that too, huh?”

I wonder if he’ll come clean with my parents and say it’s a farce.

“I think everyone has heard of that, son,” he comments, causing us all to laugh.

“I guess so.” Derek looks over at Aiden as if asking for permission, and my brother nods. “Can you all keep a secret?”

He looks around the circle and we all agree. I don’t miss the way his eyes linger on me. I flash him a quick smile.

“It’s not true. There is no relationship with Serena,” he says in a low voice. There aren’t too many people on the beach, but he doesn’t want to risk being heard by anyone just happening by. “It’s all a lie drummed up to help sell the single.”

Mom is the first one to react to the news. “Can I just say that I’m so happy to hear that?”

We all laugh and Derek stares at her, mouth agape.

“I’m sorry, Derek,” Mom says. “But I really don’t like her. She seems a bit spoiled. I really think that fame has gotten to her head. Not like you boys.”

“Well, thanks,” he replies. “But we’re not nearly as huge as she is.”

“I think you’re underestimating yourself, but I’m thankful to hear she won’t be showing up.”

My dad laughs and nods. “I’m a little relieved too. She just doesn’t seem to be your type.”

“Who seems like my type?” Derek asks.

I don’t miss the way his eyes dart over to me when he asks the question.

My dad shrugs. Unfortunately, Aiden has an idea to share and speaks first.

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