Page 29 of All of My Life

I also didn’t like the idea of dressing out anymore. Though Thomas was good about keeping his abuse in areas that could be covered up, Chasin wasn’t so forgiving. Last night, he had left so many hickeys on my body that I had worn a scarf to cover up most of them. Yeah, it wasn’t a winter scarf, but I wasn’t fooling anyone with my new sense of fashion. We wore uniforms at Carver, so with the exception of some of the girls shortening their skirts, no one accessorized their uniforms, least of all, me.

Yeah, so, I wasn’t looking forward to dressing out and walking into the gym in my PE attire. There’d be no missing the angry marks on my neck, and if Chasin felt bad about them, you’d never be able to tell. Even with makeup, the marks were still visible. Last night had been a repeat of the night before, and at this point, my body felt like one big, battered, aching mess. I was so sore between my legs that I knew that I needed a break from Chasin, if only for a couple of days.

Letting out a deep breath, I waited until all the other girls had been done dressing out for PE before I started to remove my clothes. I never removed my clothes in front of anyone for fear that they’d report the bruises that were curtesy of my father. Everyone just believed that I was uncomfortable with nudity, and I was fine with letting them believe that.

I quickly dressed, then winced when I looked in the mirror that hung inside my PE locker. At this point, Chasin might as well just tattoo his name across my neck, because there was no way to mistake these marks for what they were. Chasin had been making a statement with each one, and I hadn’t stopped him because it felt good to belong to someone, delusionally or not.

“He’s just using you.”

I turned at the sound of Sierra Frechere’s voice. Since she didn’t have PE this period, she could only be here for me. However, the joke was on her. If she thought that I was the villain in this story, she was wrong. I hadn’t gone after Chasin with some evil plan to steal him away from her. This mess was all Chasin Carver, and the reason that she was in my face right now was because, like most everyone else in this city, no one was stupid enough to confront Chasin about anything.

I turned to face Sierra, the marks on my neck burning brighter than before. “Like he used you?”

Her chin came up, and she probably believed that the two inches of height that she had on me were intimidating, but they weren’t. Sierra could do no worse than whatever Thomas had already done to me throughout my lifetime. While I had no idea who would win in an actual fight, I wasn’t scared of getting my ass kicked. All that damage healed, something that I knew firsthand.

“He didn’t use me,” she lied.

I let out a dark laugh. “God, how delusional are you?” Her face turned red at that. “Chasin Carver uses everyone, or haven’t you noticed?”

“He’s not using me,” she denied again. “If he was, then why was I in his bed last night?”

“If he’s not, then why do I have these marks on my neck?” I shot back.

“You know, I feel sorry for you,” she spat. “You’re nothing but a joke. There was a bet with the guys at this school, and guess what it was? All Chasin did was win the bet.”

She was lying, and it was sad how pathetic it made her look. It was one thing to have your dignity stripped from you, it was quite another to hand it over so desperately for love. Even if Chasin was still sleeping with her, I was the one that he had asked to go to California with him, so if anyone was being used, it wasn’t me.

Or maybe it was.

Hell, I didn’t even know anymore. While Chasin had no reason to lie to me, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t. People did the cruelest things for entertainment purposes, so what the hell did I know? If all of this was true, then Sierra and I had to be the stupidest females on the planet; her for still wanting a guy that was sleeping with someone else, and me for not caring enough to be angry about it.

“What do you want from me, Sierra?” I asked.

“Stay away from Chasin,” she answered predictably.

I let out another hollow laugh. “I’ll stay away from Chasin when he starts staying away from me,” I informed her. “After all, I have enough self-respect not to chase a guy that doesn’t want me.”

“But not enough to stay away from a guy that has a girlfriend,” she flung back, and it made me realize that I would never want to be this girl; only fools fought over a guy.

Even though I believed Chasin, I didn’t need this crap. I had a father that beat me whenever he felt slighted, a mother that loved her position in the community more than she loved her daughter, an uncertain future that needed to be built on a measly few hundred dollars, and three more months of hell in my house before I could escape. The last thing that I needed was a jealous girl in my face, threatening me over a guy that could be playing us both. I wouldn’t be the first girl to ever be blinded by great sex and pretty words; Chasin Carver could be every bit as wicked as I had always suspected. Who was I to say that Sierra was lying?

While I didn’t owe Sierra anything, I did feel sorry for her. “If you’re really telling the truth, then you deserve better than a guy that cheats on you, Sierra,” I told her.

Her blue eyes looked me up and down scathingly. “He’s Chasin Carver,” she stated, and that really said it all, didn’t it? How many women put up with so much garbage because of a man’s last name or his deep pockets? Dignity definitely had a price.

The irony also wasn’t lost on me. Sierra was willing to do everything that she needed to be with Chasin because of who he was, and I was still looking for a way to escape him when the time came because of who he was. If she knew that he had asked me to go to California with him, I could see her becoming desperate enough to harm herself, and not because she actually loved him. It was his last name that she loved, and I wasn’t confused about that. Chasin probably wasn’t, either.

Despite my feelings for Chasin, I wasn’t going to do this. “I think this is a conversation that you need to have with Chasin,” I told her.

Ignoring me, she said, “Stay away from him. I mean it.”

I didn’t say anything as she stormed out of the locker room, leaving me with the feeling that things were only going to get worse. I had only three more months to go, but they might as well be three years if this was the shit that I had to look forward to. There was also the very real possibility that Sierra wasn’t going to be the only one. How many girls had Chasin given hope to over the years? Even if he had stopped sleeping with other girls after our first night together, how many more delusional Sierra Frecheres were out there in the world?

Knowing that I wasn’t going to get any answers in the locker room, I headed towards the gym, the hickeys on my neck beginning to burn again. Still, I had no choice in the matter. Yeah, I could have always skipped class, but the bruising wasn’t going to fade anytime soon, and I couldn’t afford to miss PE for a week. The last thing that I needed was a failing grade when I was so close to getting my diploma.

As soon as I entered the gym, Coach Renner turned to give me a lecture on being late, but as soon as she saw the marks on my neck, her eyes widened in shock. In fact, everyone was staring at me, and I wanted the floor to just open up and swallow me whole; again, proving that I really was a coward underneath it all.

“Jett, what…” I’d never seen Coach Renner sputter before. “Jett, honey…”

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