Page 32 of Resilience

But Athena was too amped up to calm down, so she tried to break the hold. Mom responded with a single-leg takedown and put her on the mat. Then she straddled her and held her arms down.

Mom knew, and understood, how much Athena hated having her arms constrained, so she didn’t hold them down long. As soon as she released them, she made a sign that didn’t need a full range of fingers: the sign for “Stop!” She really slammed the side of her hand onto her other palm, too. Emphatically.

Now that she had well and truly lost and the moment was over, Athena was even more pissed, but it all turned inward. Had she just been trying to actually hurt her own mother?

“Sorry,” Athena signed. “Sorry.”

Mom rolled back off of her and sat cross-legged on the mat as she pulled her gloves off. Athena sat up as well and did the same.

“I need you to do some communicating, starlight,” Mom signed when her hands were free of the gloves. “Your dad and I aren’t as stupid as you seem to think we are. Something is going on with you. Since the weekend.”

She leaned forward then and pushed Athena’s ponytail off her shoulder. Athena wore a snug fitness top that had a neckline so high it was like a mock turtleneck, but the top of the bruise still showed. Days later, it was twice as big as it had been on Sunday, though the colors had faded.

Athena tugged up on the neck of her top and drew her ponytail back over her shoulder. “I told you. We just got a little rough is all.” Each time she told that lie was a splash of acid through her chest. But it was better than the truth.

Mom stared for a long moment. When she was ready to sign, she did so in the way Athena thought of as ‘lecture mode,’ with slow, exaggerated gestures and a very serious expression.

“Athena Estelle. I know you understand what I do for a living, because you used to work in my office. Collecting evidence and understanding what it means is the first line of my job description. Here’s the evidence I’ve collected about you lately: You came home a day early from a big birthday-party weekend you’d been looking forward to for months. During that shortened weekend, you broke up with your first and only boyfriend. There is a very large bruise on your neck that can only be called a ‘hickey’ if we are using the broadest possible description. The scabs in that bruise indicate that Hunter actually bit you, and that he was behind you when he did it.”

At that point, Athena darted a glance around the gym. It was early on a weekday, a fairly busy time here, but out in the wild, ASL was almost as good as a secret code. Nobody was paying attention.

But Mom grabbed her bare foot and gave it a shake to pull her attention back.

“Since you got back from the cabin, you’ve been moody and hiding in your room when you’re home. And now this spar. You fought like you truly wanted to hurt me—or hurt something, anyway. What do you think that evidence suggests to me?”

Athena sighed and focused on the gloves now in her lap. Sam always said she was a terrible liar, and obviously he was right. She’d been trying to act normal and had been failing utterly. She couldn’t even keep a secret she was desperate to keep.

Mom lifted her chin to make her look at her again. Her parents—and Sam—did that all the time when she looked away while they were in conversation. It had never been something she liked, but usually she understood it. Right now, though, it was just another instance of somebody making her do something she didn’t want to do.

So she closed her eyes. As long as she could remember, that was her way to end a conversation she was done with. And usually people left her alone, at least for a while, when she did. But on Sunday, Sam had signed “Tell me,” on her mouth, and now she could feel her mother looming close, probably trying to decide whether to physically wedge Athena’s eyes open.

Getting raped by her asshole boyfriend had somehow incited a whole trend of people forcing her body to do what they wanted it to do.

But Mom didn’t put hands on her. When Athena eventually opened her eyes again, her mother was sitting where she’d been and simply waiting. But as soon as she had Athena’s attention again, she told her, “You know I will understand. You know I will. Please tell me what happened. Did Hunter rape you? Or did somebody else?”

Athena’s mother had been raped at around the same age, and though her boyfriend—long before she’d met Athena’s dad—hadn’t done the actual deed, he’d set the whole thing up. What had happened to Mom was much more violent and horrific, and the damage it caused was the reason Athena had been born so early. And also the reason she was an only child.

Mom would understand, and Athena wanted to tell her more than anything. But her parents talked about everything. They told each other everything. Her father could not know about this.

There was no point in trying to keep up a façade she’d obviously never gotten into place. Mom would pry and snoop until she knew anyway. But Athena had to control the story as much as she could.

So she focused there. “Dad can’t know. You can’t tell him.”

Mom had said she’d already figured it out, but she took the sidelong confirmation like another punch. She sat there, staring, her eyes frantic and filling with tears. Athena looked away before she started to cry herself. She hadn’t cried over this since she’d sat on the dock with Sam, and she meant not to shed one more drop.

Mom scooted to her side and pulled her into her arms. Athena let herself be tucked close and comforted. It didn’t fix anything, but a few of the taut strings that had seemed to bind her heart so tightly it bled suddenly popped free.

When Mom leaned back, she signed, “I won’t tell your father until you’re ready for him to know. But I’ve never lied to him, Athena. He already knows something’s wrong. When we talked about it, I didn’t tell him my suspicion, because I agree, he’d want to fix it, and ...”

Athena couldn’t believe they were having this conversation in the middle of the freaking gym, but here they were, and it was too late to back out now. “He can’t fix it. Nobody can. And the way he’d want to fix it—I don’t want him to do anything to Hunter.”

“Because you don’t want to put him at risk.”

Athena nodded. “Hunter’s parents would sound an alarm, and his dad works with the mayor. Dad could get arrested.”

“I know. Does Sam know about this?”

“Yeah. He figured it out, too, because I obviously suck. But I swore him to secrecy and told him it wasn’t for him to decide what happens now.”

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