Page 20 of Resilience

Sam kept himself busy at the grill, and was mostly alone except for when somebody came by for a burger or a beer and stopped to talk for a minute. They didn’t stay long; Sam wasn’t doing much to hold up his end of any conversation. He was not in the mood for his own party.

The whole afternoon had been shitty, and watching a bunch of his friends and family have a great time with their dates or their significant others did nothing to improve his sense of loneliness.

Watching Athena and Hunter play around in the water a lot like she and Sam had played this morning, except now Athena was wearing a different, new, much smaller bikini, did not help him keep his mind away from her and whatever he felt about her.

Until today, he hadn’t known that Hunter was so jacked. Fuck that guy.

NOT THAT IT MATTERED, but fuck that guy. He was an asshole not worthy to clean shit off her shoes.

By the time a lot more people were coming by for food, Sam had more or less accepted the possibility that his feelings for Athena were ... complicated. More importantly, he’d struck upon a way to deal with it that didn’t fuck anything up, and it was so simple he couldn’t believe it had taken him hours of thinking (while telling himself to stop thinking): he’d simply ignore it.

As long as he didn’t say or do anything about it, it didn’t matter whether he was in love with Athena or not. As long as he proceeded as he always had, nothing would change. She had no need to know, and most likely would not want to know. Lark had said she thought Athena was in love with him, too, but that was crap. Lark didn’t know Athena nearly well enough to make a claim like that. Sam did know her that well, and could say with authority that her feelings for him were sisterly.

For twenty-two years, their friendship had been perfect. They’d squabbled occasionally, but had rarely gone even a full day without working through it and being tight again. It was the most important relationship in his life. He would open his own throat before he’d do anything to fuck it up.

“Hey, man,” said Derek, one of Athena’s friends who spoke. Sam looked over and gave him a smile and a wave.

Having his attention, Derek switched to ASL. “I saw a pontoon boat in the boathouse. Can we get that out?”

Sam and Athena had discussed that last night and decided to keep the party barge locked up. They were trying to stay off the radar as much as possible, and partying on the lake, the way they partied, would draw the attention of the water patrol—not to mention the high likelihood of somebody jumping off the thing for a swim when they could barely hold their head up. Or just falling off.

“No, we’re going to keep it out of the water for the party. Just the speedboat. And the jet skis.”

Derek was obviously disappointed. “Okay. No problem.” He nodded at the grill. “You want me to take over for a while, so you can enjoy your own party?” He grinned. “I’ve got skill at the grill.”

“I’m good, thanks,” Sam signed.

With a shrug and a nod, Derek turned and headed to the keg.

Fully aware that he was being a drag, Sam dropped some more raw patties and dogs on the grill and kept going.

At some point later, he felt a hand on his back and looked over his shoulder. Athena stood there, her long, dark ponytail wet from the lake. Her bikini was a tiny, blue-and-white check thing with string ties and little ruffles under her tits.

Don’t think about her tits, asshole.

An equally wet Blanche stood panting at her side, strapped into her water vest and all business.

“How are you doing?” Athena asked.

When she and her fuckhead boyfriend had crawled out of their sex den and Sam explained that Lark had left, Athena had hugged him and asked if he wanted to take a walk and talk about it. At that time, he couldn’t have imagined anything more dangerous, so he’d said he was just fine and she should go play with her boyfriend. She’d done so, but since then she’d checked in with him every half hour or so, just like this.

“I’m good,” he signed. “You hungry?”

She peered up at him with her dark eyes, trying to see if he was lying.

“Chill out, Frodo. I said I’m good.”

“Excuse me for being worried,” she snapped. Yes, you could snap in ASL. It was all about how you moved your hands and the face you made along with the words.

“Thank you, but I really am okay.”

Athena responded to that by wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tight, snugging her head against his ribs.

At this particular moment, considering the hurricane going on in his head, she couldn’t have done anything that hurt more or felt better. Sam squeezed his eyes shut and set his arm across her back.

When she stepped back, she told him, “You are the best human I’ve ever known. Somebody is going to see all the wonderful things you are, understand all the facets of your life, and fall madly in love with you without trying to make you change. She’s out there, Samwise. I promise.”

Sam swallowed hard. What if she was right in front of him? “Thanks. I hope you’re right. But more importantly, you never told me if you’re hungry.”

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