Page 63 of Three-Inch Teeth

“Are you sure?” he asked.

From inside the house, a male voice called out, “Britney? Is there somebody at the door?”

She turned her head. “Yes, Rob, but I’m taking care of it.” Cates thought her voice had a certain edge to it.

“Is that your husband?” Cates asked.

“My partner,” Britney nodded. She said, “Maybe you saw a listing from a year ago that hasn’t been updated. The realtors around here aren’t exactly on the ball, we’ve learned. No, we bought this place eleven months ago and even though there’s a lot of work to do to get it up to our standards, we have no intention of selling it. We’re raising llamas here.”

Although the phrase “to get it up to our standards” grated at Cates, he ignored it. He said, “Yeah, I was confused by that sign out on the arch. In the listing, it shows this place as belonging to an outfitter, a septic service, and a world champion rodeo cowboy.”

“We got rid of that, of course,” she said with an eye roll. “I mean, how redneck can you get, right?”

“I guess so,” Cates said. He put his hands on his hips and looked around. “Man, this is exactly the kind of place I want to buy. Lots of elbow room, no crime, low taxes.”

She said, “Going to the grocery store is kind of a trek. And getting used to the people around here is … challenging.”

“Where did you come from, if I may ask?”

“We’re from the Bay Area.”

Of course you are, Cates thought. “I bet your kids love it,” he said.

“We don’t have any children,” Britney said. “Our llamas are my babies.”

Of course they are, he thought.

“We’re so lucky Rob can work remotely,” she said. “This way I can spend more time with my babies.”

Cates said, “I’m sorry to have bothered you so late at night. I’ll get with that realtor and tell her to update her listings. There has to be another place like this around here, right?”

Rob called out once again. “Is everything okay, Brit?”

“It’s fine,” she snapped. Cates got the impression that Britney wasn’t thrilled that her partner was fine to let her deal with the situation at their door by herself.

“Anyway,” Britney said to Cates, “I’m afraid you might not find what you’re looking for. My understanding is that housing around here has been pretty much snapped up by people like us.”

“From the Bay Area, you mean?”

“From California,” she said. “Not all of us have moved to Texas and Tennessee, you know.”

Cates mock-chuckled at that. “Believe me, I get it. That’s why I’m looking to relocate to Hicksville.”

“I wish there were more of us here,” she said. “This state could use some new blood, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh yes,” he said. “Well, again, sorry to have bothered you and sorry for the misunderstanding. I hope you have a good night.”

“You too,” she said, stepping back to ease the door shut. Cates guessed that in seconds Britney would turn on Rob and rip him a new one for sitting out her odd encounter.

Cates shot his foot out and placed it between the door and the jamb. He said, “Do you mind if I take a look inside? I’d love to see what the interior looks like.”

A look of alarm struck her face when she glanced down and saw his boot cross the threshold. As she said, “I don’t know if I’m comfortable …” he rushed the door and slammed it open with a shove from both hands. It hit her hard and Britney flew back into a heap on the floor. Cates followed.

When she recovered and started to sit up, he pulled the Hanna cop’s Glock nine-millimeter from the back of his waistband and brought it down on the top of her head, shattering her readers. Britney slumped over to the side and lay motionless and he quickly scrambled over her.

A bearded man sat in the adjacent living room in a recliner with an iPad on his lap and glasses perched on the tip of his thin nose. This was where Cates used to sit on the family couch and watch cartoons. Rob stared up at Cates with terrified eyes, his hands gripping the arms of his chair as if preparing to launch himself out of it. Cates hit him crisply in the temple with the Glock. Rob flinched and cowered, holding up his hands to ward off future blows. His iPad slid down his legs and clattered on the floor.

“I bet this feels just like where you came from,” Cates said to him. “Home invasions are actually pretty rare in these parts.”

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