Page 35 of Jackson

“I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to,” Jackson said honestly as Finn clicked off the lamp.

Lying in the dark, Jackson assessed the emotional and surprising day. He’d started the morning sure that leaving town was the right thing to do. Fuck, everything had been turned upside down. He confessed he loved Michael and Finn. It had been the first time he’d ever said those words to another soul. They loved him too. Which Jackson wanted to believe but the doubt that he was enough still remained in the back of his mind. And Michael’s confession…the story about his parents. Jackson had no idea that he’d been hurting Michael so much.

In all the running he’d been doing from his partners, Jackson had only been thinking about himself. Of course, that was what he’d been raised to do but was it too late for Jackson? Was he already ruined?

He couldn’t be. Just look at his friends.

Mac had been the first to fall. While Jackson and Mac hadn’t been particularly close, Jackson respected the hell out of the other man. He’d been one of the best hitmen in the world. He was also the first to get out of the business and had stayed out. Settling down with his cute little partner, Hayley, had given all of them hope for their own futures. Mac had gotten out of the life and lived happily and comfortably, running a business in the middle of town.

Lance had hooked up with Hayley’s brother, Jayme, and Jackson didn’t know if he’d met two people more perfect for each other. Jayme’s chaotic energy was a lot like Jackson’s, but Lance loved Jayme just the way he was. Lance didn’t try to change Jayme but instead loved him fully and completely.

Creed and Sammy had the kind of relationship that people wrote books about. Creed had been the type of man that seemed to prefer being on his own, but that all changed when Sammy had literally saved Creed’s life. Jackson had watched that relation grow and had been jealous as the two men had fallen deeply in love.

Skinner was Jackson’s closest friend, but even Jackson had doubted that Skinner would ever trust anyone enough to claim for his own. Skinner had done more than claim Marco though. Marco belonged to Skinner in every way possible and the reverse was true. If any of them tried to give Skinner a hard time or tease him, Marco was there defending his man with a smart mouth and wicked sense of humor. Skinner was the type of man that scared small children and made grown men cross the street instead of passing him. Surely if Skinner found the perfect partner that he put his trust in, then Jackson had a chance?

He might have grown up differently from his friends but the organization that had scooped them all up and made them a weapon had to have seen something similar in them.

All his friends finding their perfect matches had seemed so easy. Jackson might not know the intimate details, but they’d beaten all the odds.

Could Jackson truly allow his shields down and give Finn and Michael what they thought they wanted? The real him? Did Jackson even know who he was under the mask any longer?

For the first time in his life, Jackson wanted to be someone else. He’d never blamed his father or the other people in his life for failing him. Jackson didn’t have it bad. But if he couldn’t step up and be the man that Finn and Michael believed he could be, then there was truly no future for them. It was Jackson that needed to open up and prove that he was worthy. He just didn’t know how!

“Boy.” Finn’s strong fingers began to massage his scalp. “You’re thinking too hard.”

Jackson wasn’t surprised that Finn was still awake. Michael snored softly by Jackson’s side, but Finn’s quiet presence offered Jackson a chance. “I’m scared,” he admitted softly.

It was easier to say the words in the dark. To not have to look at Finn.

“I know,” Finn said kindly. “You put up a good front, but I know trusting us is going to be difficult for you. I understand and will be right by your side whenever your doubts start to sneak in.”

Jackson lived with his doubts. “You can’t keep me by your side twenty-four hours a day,” he tried to joke. He always fell back on humor when he was uncomfortable. Only Skinner had even called him on that behavior.

Finn tugged on the chain that kept Jackson’s wrists bound. “Are you sure about that?”

No. No, he wasn’t. But that was just a fantasy. They couldn’t actually live in each other’s pockets. “Finn…”

“We’ll figure it out,” Finn told him.

“How?” Jackson really wanted to know.

“We’ll work on it. The one thing about the three of us is we’re all pretty stubborn.”

That was true.

“If we want this to work, then we’ll make it so.”

“You make it sound so easy.” Too easy. If Jackson knew anything, he knew that life was never easy for him.

Finn snorted. “I suspect this will be anything but easy, but it’ll be worth it.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because you’re worth it.” Finn’s fingers went back to Jackson’s hair, and he tugged. “You are worth it, Jackson. Michael and I already love you.”

“I love you too,” Jackson said. It wasn’t easy to get those words out, but he managed. “And I want this to work. So much.”

“Just don’t run,” Finn said. “Don’t run from us again, Jackson. Run toward us.”

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