CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Lori
I’m shaking when I reach the restaurant’s kitchen; mortified, hurt, embarrassed. I am in love with Cole. And he’s with another woman who just treated me like shit in front of I don’t know how many people. In front of him. Somehow, I do not cry. I am like a robot, hunting my boss down until I find him. “It’s ten, Ned,” I say to the fairly grumpy old man I really can’t deal with right now. “I’m supposed to leave at ten, remember?”
“You can’t stay longer?” he snaps.
“I told you when I got here what time I had to leave.”
“Right.” He grimaces, and I wait for the attack, but it doesn’t come. “Thanks for coming in.” He reaches in his pocket and hands me a large bill to complement the tips in my pocket. “You saved my ass tonight.”
I’m shocked at how generous and kind he is being, but I need this right now in all kinds of ways. “Thanks for the opportunity,” I say.
“Lori!” One of the waitresses shouts. “There’s some hot guy at the kitchen door trying to see you.”
Cole, of course, is the hot guy. He is hot. Obviously a lot of women that are not me, think so, too. I ignore the shout and head for the back door, exiting to the alleyway where I start walking. My cell phone starts to ring almost immediately. I grab it, afraid it’s my mother. It’s Cole. I decline the call. He calls again. I decline. He sends a text message: It was Ashley, Lori. And yes, she was a bitch. She wants to apologize. Talk to me. Answer the phone. I stop walking and lean on a wall. Ashley. Relief washes over me. Ashley. I cry despite the fact that I am relieved. Embarrassment just won’t let go of me. I have to work with her, and Cole saw me there.
My phone rings again and this time it’s my mother. “Hi, Mom.”
“You sound weird,” she says. “Are you okay?”
I don’t lie. I’m not okay. I can’t say I’m okay. “I’m about to head home. Are you coming home?”
“I’m headed there, too.”
“Great,” I manage. “I’ll see you soon.”
I disconnect and Cole calls again. I breathe in and take the call. “Lori,” he says, his voice low, raspy. “I would never—”
“I know,” I say quickly. “I didn’t think you would. It just—it all shocked me.”
“Where are you? I’ll come to you.”
I want him to come to me. God. I really want him to come to me, but I’m confused and that embarrassed thing won’t let go. “I need to go see my mother. I need to be home tonight.”
“Your home is with me.”
“No, Cole. No.”
“Don’t say no because of tonight. This was nothing.”
But it was, I think. It was such a reality check, such a divide. “I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hang up, and start walking, taking a corner and entering the subway. At this hour, the car for my train is all but empty and I find a corner to sit, fighting back all of those feelings I don’t want to feel. I took money from Cole. Now he saw me at that restaurant. I let myself become what I didn’t want to be. This person he has to take care of. This person who needs him the way my mother needed my father.
I arrive at my apartment building, and I have never hated this place more, but I can’t get us out of here. I need to pay off Cole first. I need to make my wrong, right. I rush up the stairs and walk into the apartment to find my mother has yet to arrive. I lean on the door and there is a loud knock.
“Lori,” Cole says. “Open up.”
My heart squeezes and so do my eyes. I don’t answer. I am not going to answer.
“I know you’re in there,” he says. “I feel you there. I’m not leaving until I see you.”
Anger comes at me hard and fast. I open the door and step into the hallway. “Why are you here?” I demand, and he is bigger than life right now, handsome, his hair rumpled like he’s been running his fingers through it. Like he’s been fretting.
“That’s obvious, isn’t it?” he says. “I’m here for you.”
“I told you I didn’t want you here. I told you! Why would you come here, when that is the one thing I’ve asked of you? And now? Tonight, after what happened?”
“That’s exactly why I had to come,” he says. “I wasn’t going to let you feel what you felt. I needed you to see me, to know that I don’t feel anything you’re thinking I feel about what just happened.”