“No, before I have sex,” she says, exasperated.
I shake my head. “No, Honey, you need to be sober.”
“That’s unfair.” She huffs.
“This is always your choice. You can pull out at any point. But I will tell you now, some have lost it in worse ways. You can take control of this.”
I feel her gaze on me. “How did you lose yours? I know it’s different for men, probably easier.”
A dark laugh erupts from my core. If only she knew. She has no idea the question she is asking nor the ugliness that it brings to the surface. “Let’s just say I was in unfavorable circumstances with no power.”
She goes quiet, then her question creeps through the air. “Were you hurt?” she asks. And I can feel the wound wanting to reopen like her gentle voice is trying to coax it out.
I push it back down.
In my industry, it’s mostly women who are considered victims. But if you’re a male—
“I found my power,” is all I say in response. I took it all back and built an empire out of it. Iprovided roles and security for those who also wanted to take theirs back.
Her soft hand lands on mine and rests on the center console.
I glance at Honey and the sadness that radiates from her pours into me. It makes me uncomfortable and yet soothes me all at once.
“I am not a good person, Honey,” I admit into the silence of the car.
“Everyone’s lying if they think they are,” she replies and turns toward the window.
And I think it’s more for my sake than her desire to avert her gaze this time. But her hand doesn’t leave mine. And I’m painfully reminded this is why I didn’t want to touch her.
Because I would hurt her.
Make her dirty.
But I’m the selfish prick who won’t remove my hand, either.
CHAPTER 22
Dawson
The collectors in charge of the Ivanov Auctions stand across from me.
Anya sits there, the red lipstick starkly contrasting her rich porcelain skin. Her thick, glossy red hair is wrapped into a tight bun as she looks over a tray of unique jewelry with a magnifying glass. It’s unusual for her brother, Aleksandr, not to be in the room, but I suppose they sometimes have to divide their business dealings.
Two of her guards stand behind her. “I didn’t expect to see you so soon after we auctioned you off only a few months ago,” she says thoughtfully.
I helped Crue with a personal task by selling myself at one of the Ivanov’s events. And he owes me a favor for that. “What can I say? Business is going well.”
She beams a smile. Anya, although beautiful, reminds me of a snake. Entrancing, but with a bite. Andthe Ivanov family is not one I’m willing to go against unless necessary, of course.
“Didn’t the Torrisi woman end up dead only a month after you and Crue Monti last walked into this establishment?”
I knew it had been a risk involving Crue and that could even jeopardize my business, but I leveraged a return favor would hold a greater value in the future.
“It was very sad news to hear,” I say with mock sadness as I remove my jacket and sit across from her.
She pouts and watches me. “Very sad indeed.” Her Russian accent is anything but sympathetic. “But you could always return to my good books if you’re willing to do something for me. Or many thingstome.” She eyes me.
I give her a smile. “Maybe you should have bid on me last time.”