Page 56 of Just a Footnote

Miles turns to look at him. “Really?”

“No. He misses you. He’s an asshole half the time. I bought chocolate Lucky Charms and it took an entire week for him to eat them.”

“Damn.” Miles whistles through his teeth. “Usually that would take two days.”

“Your favorite foods don’t taste as good when your heart is aching.”

Uncomfortable silence hangs over them for a few moments. Aiden tightens his grip on the steering wheel, clenching his jaws until his teeth grind painfully.

“Sometimes I think this will be good for us,” Miles admits quietly, sounding defeated.

Aiden furrows his eyebrows. “Why?”

“I’m his first love and he’s mine. Being apart…if he has any doubts maybe they’ll go away.”

Aiden can’t help but laugh. Loudly. Miles turns to glare at him and Aiden feels the full force of that glare on him.

“You thinkArcherhas doubts? About being with you?”

“I think he wants a family so bad that maybe he liked me, realized I won’t be going anywhere, and decided to just hang on.”

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Aiden says firmly. “And you say a lot of stupid shit, my friend.”

Miles rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

“I’ll remind you of this conversation in a few years.”

Archer waits for them just inside the apartment, looking like an over eager puppy. Aiden goes into the kitchen to give them a few moments of silence while valiantly pretending he doesn’t hear the shushed words exchanged between them. He thinks he might even hear a hiccuped sob, and he can’t really identify who it might be from.

A few moments later, he steps into the living room. The sky of the darkening city sprawls out before them outside the large expanse of windows. He gives Archer a silent mock salute. Archer’s chin is hooked over Miles’s shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around Miles’s middle, and he flicks a finger at Aiden in his own version of gracious understanding. The gentle shaking of Miles' shoulders tells him who the sob came from.

Aiden makes his way slowly out of the apartment. The tall buildings make it impossible for Aiden to see the horizon and he lowkey hates it. He misses trees and the sunset, he misses the earth. He heads towards the movie theater a few blocks down the street. He’d bought a ticket for a new superhero film so that Archer and Miles could have the apartment to themselves for a while. Aiden is a nice guy like that.

A gentle breeze blows past him when he steps outside. October has always been one of Aiden’s favorite months. Nothing bad has ever happened to him in October. Shoving his hands deeper into his jacket, he walks slowly through the city towards the theater. When he sits down in the theater with an overly large bag of popcorn and large soda, he finds himself pulling out his phone. Curiosity has always been one of Aiden’s worst traits. Some would call it nosiness. At least…that’s what Miles calls it.

Despite knowing he shouldn’t do it…he Googles Liam. His NHL page comes up first, along with his Wikipedia entry, but then there's a row of new headlines about Liam dating that pretty puck bunny. She’stoopretty, Aiden thinks. Probably a good match for Liam if she cares enough about hockey to constantly hang around a rink looking for a hockey player to date. They’d have pretty kids. Aiden lets himself, for one brief moment, wonder if Liam fucks her as roughly as he used to fuck him. Can she goad him into it like Aiden can? Does he leave bruises in the shape of his fingerprints on her hips?

Closing out his phone, he leans back, eating the entire bag of salty, buttery popcorn before the movie is even halfway over.

Later, when he finally wanders home, the apartment is silent. It’s dark too, except for the hallway light that Archer must’ve left on for him. He falls asleep that night with the ache of lovesickness in his chest. A feeling that’s becoming all too familiar to Aiden. One that he assumes will never really go away. People like him can live their whole lives like that. The person that’s always second place, the person that’s neverchosen, and he doesn’t know why the feeling surprises him all that much.

Aiden didn’t expect it to hurt so much. Maybe in retrospect that was stupid of him. Winter in New York is somehow beautiful despite the thundering pain in his chest that refuses to go away. Most days are gray, hazy with low hanging clouds that contain the promise of snow. The one Christmas they’d spent with Liam and his Dad, that last year in college, really doesn’t compare to the city at Christmas. Snow sits on the corners of the buildings. Christmas trees are tucked into the entrances of restaurants. Archer even buys a Christmas tree, decorates it so that it’s hard to see an ounce of tree left.

Miles comes to stay with them the few days he has betweengames. Aiden will never say it but he likes having Miles here too. He’s loathe to admit it, but they feel like a family. Archer makes hot chocolate in the kitchen as he and Miles play some new video games on their Xbox.

“You know I play Liam tomorrow, right?” Archer asks, tone bland, with three mugs of hot chocolate balanced precariously in his hands.

“Okay,” Aiden says wearily, looking away from the game and up at his twin.

“He wants to go out afterwards,” Miles tells him.

He has the strange feeling he’s being ambushed.

“Okay, have fun with that,” Aiden says, focusing back on the game and ignoring their stares. “I’ll be here studying.”

“You’re on break,” Archer points out.

“I can study for next semester,” Aiden hedges.

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