Page 17 of Just a Footnote

“You’ll do great, kids.” Simon smiles at them all, but Aiden has to look away for a moment. The guy is nice and all, but he doesn’t need any praise.

Aiden chances a look between Liam and Simon, trying to further catalog their similarities. The slope of Liam’s nose is softer. It’s a nice nose. Liam’s jaw is a little rounder, which probably lends to his general baby face. How someone that looks and acts so sweet could be known for not taking names on the ice is still beyond Aiden. After all, Archer is a dick onandoff the ice.

Dinner is quiet after the mention of the NHL. Aiden eats an entire piece of pumpkin pie because he can’t remember the last time he had something home cooked. It was…a nice day. Aiden’s not quite sure what to do with that.

Later, Liam drives them back to campus. They’re all quiet,pleasantly stuffed still from their dinner. Aiden feels kind of like he needs to say thank you to Liam but he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t owe Liam anything. He’s Archer’s best friend. The invitation to Christmas was a courtesy but it’s still something unexpected.

Aiden turns to Liam once they’re alone in the car in front of the dorms.

“Thank you.”

Liam frowns, caught off guard. “What for?”

“Today.”

“I’ve invited you every year. Did Archer tell you that?”

Aiden’s heart pounds in his chest. No, Archer hadn’t told him that. Even if he had…he probably would’ve thrown a fit and said no. But some small part of him still wonders if it was Archer’s protective instincts that made him never share the invitation or something else entirely.

“I didn’t know. But that’s not the point,” Aiden argues. “Thank you for giving me this Christmas. It was nice. We’ve never…” he trails off, not sure how to finish his sentence.

“I know,” Liam says quietly into the silence of the car.

Aiden nods once, feeling his heart in his stomach, like maybe he might throw up.

“Thank you,” Aiden says again, softer, meant just for Liam.

“Yeah, of course,” Liam’s face scrunches up in thought. His hand taps the gear shift a few times, eyes tracking over Aiden’s face. “Can I hug you?”

“...you want to hug me?”

“Yes.”

Aiden frowns, thinking about what Miles said earlier. About Liam having a crush. It would be wrong to lead him on. Aiden always feels bad when someone likes him. It’s mostly why he only does hookups. There’s something inside him…he can’t move past that part of it. Intimacy isn’t his thing. But he thinks Miles is wrong. Liam is just a friend. The idea is so absurd that Aiden almost laughs and then he realizes they’ve been sitting in silence for quite some time.

“Yeah, dude. You can hug me.”

It’s a little awkward, since they’re in the car, but Liam hugs him tightly anyway. It reminds him of the other day in the snow. His heart starts to race a little. His mouth goes dry at the smell of oranges. Seriously, how does someone smell like oranges? Does Liam bathe in orange juice? It’s idiotic.

Liam pulls away with a soft smile that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle. Aiden needs to flee. He scrambles out of the car, mutters a hastygoodbye, racing towards the dorm. When he looks back, for the third time, it’s to find Liam watching him like he always does. Aiden realizes then that this isn’t going to end well for anyone. But he’s not going to put a stop to it. Whatever it is.

The final semesterof his senior year arrives without any pageantry. Nothing about him feels different. He spends the week between Christmas and New Years preparing for his interviews with medical schools. The little fear inside him that he won’t get into NYU medical school so that he can stay with Archer starts to slowly consume him.

He’s not ready to be away from Archer. He knows that’s probably not healthy. They’re adults. At some point they have to live on their own but the thing is that Aiden isn’t ready. It feels too soon. They don’t have to even live together but he needs to be in the same city as Archer.

The telltale sign of a panic attack starts to creep up on him. Thankfully he’s not in a lab, he’s in one of his easy classes he purposely saved for his last semester. It’s some humanitiescourse. He doesn’t even really know what it’s about. He counts backwards from one hundred, feels the sweat start to gather at the nape of his neck, and he bolts out of the class the moment the professor excuses them. The walk back to his dorm feels like a million miles. His body is heavy, tongue thick in his mouth, the pounding of his heart echoes in his ears.

It’s been months since he had a panic attack. He’s actually surprised he didn’t have one during finals week last semester. He checks his phone for the time as he shoulders his way into the dorm. It’s just after three in the afternoon which means Archer will be at practice until at least four. He’ll probably get something to eat with Miles afterwards.

Aiden undresses quickly, curling into a tight ball on his bed. He pulls the covers over his head, turns on his phone to forest sounds, then tries to calm his breathing. Exhaustion sweeps over him. The next thing he knows he’s blinking awake to the sound of his door opening.

“Aiden? Oh, shit.”

“I’m fine,” Aiden says, sitting up so Archer can see him.

“Did you have a panic attack?”

“I said I’m fine,” Aiden grumbles as he turns his phone sounds off.

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