Page 59 of Our Ruined Beginnings

“You were fucked. I had to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid,” he grumbles. Was I? I mean, I must have been, considering I remember absolutely nothing. I haven’t lost a night so completely since…

“Why do you care?” It’s defensive and a little bitchy considering he did get me home safe, but being reminded of that night always brings out my oversensitive side. Especially with him.

He doesn’t answer, not really. Instead, he asks his own question.

“Was I supposed to leave you there? Evan wasn’t exactly being the best date.” Of course. I laugh disbelievingly as I realize.

“So that’s what it is—you don’t want someone else to have me. That was always your issue, right? You didn’t want me, but no one else could have me either.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he grits out, standing from the bed.

“You’re leaving,” I say to his back. “What a surprise.” I guess it’s what he’s good at—walking away when I truly need him. Maybe one of these days it’ll hurt less instead of more. He stops, his fists clenched by his side and his back rigid.

“What do you want from me, Harper?”

“Nothing. I’ve never wanted anything. Except you.” His face is twisted when he turns with a scoff.

“She says, whiledatingmy best friend.”

I open my mouth to refute that—to tell him I’ll never be with Evan; he’s not who I want. But maybe he’s who Ishouldwant. Evan stood up for me. He’s forgiven me. He doesn’t keep throwing my worst mistake in my face. No words come out anyway, a choked sob making its way out instead, tears falling in rivulets down my cheeks.

Madden sighs as if all the breath has been released from his lungs.

“Lily,” he murmurs softly, which only makes me cry harder, my shoulders shaking as I cover my face with my hands. I don’t want Evan. I don’t think I’ll ever want anyone who’s not Madden Taylor.

The mattress dips next to me, and his hands cup the sides of my face, warming mine and holding gently. His lips press to my hair, and I want to climb into his lap, let his arms wrap around me, but I can’t. When will I learn to stop accepting the crumbs of affection Madden offers me?

“Baby,” he whispers, peeling my hands off my face, but I use them to try and push him away, my palms flat against his firm chest.

“Don’t do that,” I plead. “Please, stop. I can’t take the whiplash.”

He ignores me, sliding his hand into my hair and holding us so close I could kiss him with just a tilt of my head.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” he says, and I see the sincerity shining from his eyes, the green sparkling a hundred different shades. “You and Evan…”

I scoff and shake my head lightly. I knew it.

“You don’t care until someone else does.”

“That’s not true. I was on my way to find you last week, to put all of this behind us—‍”

“That’s convenient.” Even as my heart lurches with hope, I shove it back down.

“You don’t believe me?”

Do I?

“I don’t trust you. Hell, I don’t even know you anymore, Madden.”

“You do. You’re the only one who truly does.”

I want that to be true so bad my chest aches. If only it were that easy.

“Harper?” I jump as Evan’s voice comes from the doorway, and Madden’s hands fall away from me. Wiping my eyes, I look up to see Evan glowering at us both. Guilt floods me, which is ridiculous—I’m not actually with Evan, even if they both seem to assume differently. His eyes soften as Madden turns to acknowledge him. “Are you okay?”

“She’s fine,” Madden answers, his posture tense.

“I asked Harper.”

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