Page 4 of Our Ruined Beginnings

If it weren’t for my best friend, Evan, dragging me here under the pretense of heading to the soccer pitch, I’d have stayed in my dorm, ignoring the rush of newbies. Instead, I’m stuck here, pretending I give a shit about a party held in one of the many off-campus houses.

Bethany strolls across the room, interrupting my lazy perusal with a wide grin. Her eyes find mine, and she wags her brows once, then stops close so she can trace her fingers up and down my bicep.

I step away from her, taking another sip of my drink as I raise my brow in question. My heart thunders the moment she nods a response.

She’s here.

I’ve known this moment was coming, but I can’t say I was prepared for the pure, visceral reaction I’d have to her being on campus, living her life as if she isn’t the reason it all went wrong.

The anger I’ve barely contained all summer scorches my veins, threatening to explode at the thought of that girl. It’s raw and painful, and all I want is to unleash it on her.

“Earth to Madden,” Evan calls with a wave in front of my face, and I blink, refocusing on the room. “You sure you can do this?” he asks when he has my attention.

Bythishe means make her life a living hell. Am I sure I can see the girl I thought would be my friend, my confidante—my forever—and make her miserable? Fuck yes, I can. She isn’t that girl anymore.

She made sure of that when she drank a shit ton of alcohol and snorted a crap-ton of coke but still got in the car and drove off without a backward glance.

After this summer, Davis University is the last place I want to be, knowing it was always supposed to be our place. Mine, his, Evan’s … and Harper’s. The room I shared with my brother, the hallways we walked together to get to our classes, the soccer field we shared with the rest of the team—I’m taunted each day by the memories I long to hold onto, but also wish I could forget.

Even our dorm, still set up exactly as we left it last year, wasn’t remotely comforting to walk into on Wednesday when I got back to campus after the long break. It felt like a shrine, like walking into a wall that assaulted me with each moment we’d spent here last year.

At the time, I’d been so fucking angry I’d mentally blocked out everything that wasn’t my brother, focusing only on spending my summer at his bedside and willing with all my might that he wake up and tell me it was all some cruel, sick joke. I’d never even considered switching schools, not before reality slapped me in the face, and I was days away from having to come back.

Instead, I told myself it would be okay. That he’d want me here. He’d want me to continue what we started together, to carry on for him.

But I’d forgotten one key thing.

One key person.

Harper.

Losing my twin this summer was one thing; losing them both was fucking devastating. But I couldn’t grieve for her, not when she’d been the one to do this to me. Instead, all I felt—all I still feel—is fury. It’d been pointless but stubborn, always there, with no way to expel it. Not that I didn’t try … fuck, did I try.

I’d go running until I was so exhausted there should’ve been no way to feel anything. I trained for hours to occupy my mind, hoping the soccer drills would distract me. I pounded the bags until my knuckles shredded, willing the pain to pull my focus. Nothing worked. No amount of physical exertion was satisfying, and it certainly didn’t dull the anger I felt.

Over the past couple months, I’ve learnt to coexist with it, and so has everyone else. My friends have gotten used to me being a new version of myself. A version that grunts and frowns instead of making jokes. They’ve learnt not to mention Caleb or Harper, knowing she is dead to me. Eventually, they picked up on the fact she should be dead to them all too. When they all shut her out of their minds and kept her name from their mouths, I finally managed to keep my cool … for a while.

But now she’s here.

She’s here, where he should be, and she’s going to fucking regret it.

“Yeah,” I reply to Evan. “I can do this. Harper’s going to regret stepping onto campus as if nothing happened.”

“I’ve been waiting for this,” Bethany sneers, and the others bob their heads in silent agreement. I guess Evan’s been spreading the word about her already, but that’s good. Makes things easier.

“Waiting for what?” Lacy asks, frowning in confusion as she sips her bright-blue drink through a straw.

Bethany sighs and throws her a filthy look. “You’re so dense, Lace. Do you pay attention to anything?” Lacy shrugs like maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. “Harper Delaney starts here this year. She took Caleb from us, remember?”

“Oh, I remember … the one who crashed the car?”

“’Cause she was drunk and high as shit,” Evan adds, disgust written across his face. There’s a part of me, small and mostly quiet, that can’t help but wonder if I’d have dealt better with my own anger if he weren’t around to rile me up constantly. But I get it. I may have lost everything that night, but he was there, living it as it all fell apart around us.

“So, why have you been waiting for her to get here?” Lacy asks, and Bethany groans.

“Do I have to spell everything out to you? She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t have shown her face. Now we make sure she wishes she never did.”

I tune them out and think about this time last year. It had been so exciting—like the start of a new semester should be. Seeing your friends after summer break, meeting up with the team and getting ready for training to start, and the parties, of course. You get to escape your parents, leave annoying siblings behind, and live with your friends for the next year. Along with a bit of studying, I guess.

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