Page 35 of Our Ruined Beginnings

“Caleb would never,” I say weakly, not wanting the anger I already feel to mingle with the devastation I have from missing my twin so much it aches. I need him to remain one of the best people I know; not someone who would endanger someone like that, and especially not Harper.

“No,” Evan agrees with a sad shake of his head. “He wouldn’t.”

My thoughts come too slowly, like my brain is rejecting the conclusion that’s being drawn. It won’t allow it. A choked gasp comes from the bed, but I can’t turn my head that way. My heart thunders against my chest, rattling in its cage as I stare into the eyes of one of my oldest friends.

“You’re lying,” Harper whispers from behind me, her voice cracking. “I wouldn’t… I’ve never … no. I don’t believe it.”

Evan cocks his head, his own lips turning down. “I’m not. You had my keys. You were in such a rush to get out of there that Caleb and I had no choice but to get in the car after you. We’d both drank too much to drive anyway, but we couldn’t let you go alone. You were wasted, Harper. We tried to stop you, but you wouldn’t.”

She mumbles the wordno, her tone growing shrill as she repeats it on a continuous loop. “No… no, no, no…” My own head screams those same words, needing him to be wrong.

“Evan…”

“I’m sorry, Madden.”

Harper begins to cry, heavy sobs racking over her. Finally, I find the courage to turn around, to find her in that bed again. She rocks back and forth, her head shaking. “But that means… no.” She sobs, grief cascading through her body.

This time, I don’t need Evan to confirm her thoughts. The answers are bleeding into the air. My body chills viciously, devastation seeping into every nerve ending. “Harper… you did this.”

Chapter Fifteen

Harper

Thedaysareslowand the weeks are long, but somehow, I pull myself through the fall semester.

The sadness I tried to pretend couldn’t reach me is back in full force, but it lingers inside my brain, tangling up my thoughts and ruining my motivation for life. The only way to stop it from drowning me is to keep busy, and so, I have no choice but to do that. It’s not like my father is going to let me drop out and waste away in my bedroom at home.

An upside to this is that I throw myself into my schoolwork. With no job—it only lasted two more shifts thanks tothemand their ongoing harassment campaign—and no real social life other than the soccer games Kinsley drags me to, the only things I have to occupy me are studying and baking.

So, I’m ahead on my assignments, and I hand Kinsley baked goods about four times a week. It turns out, she’s been taking them down to the soccer team. I was tempted to poison the next batch once I found that out, but I’ve probably done enough harm for one lifetime, and I guess it’s better they’re eaten than thrown in the trash. She says she bans certain people from eating them anyway… but it’s not like I can truly bring myself to care.

Finally, the last day of the semester is done, and we’re starting winter break. I’m not sure where I want to be least, to be honest.

Kinsley meets me outside my final lecture and chatters excitedly on our walk back to the dorms. We’re on the same flight back tonight and have only enough time to grab our luggage before catching an Uber to the airport.

It’s one of those times I’m grateful for her need to fill every silence with mindless chitchat. While she’s excited about the upcoming break, the chance to see her family and spend Christmas in their company, my own thoughts are far from there. I’m sure she senses that in me, especially when her eyes zero in on my face, her smile turning sad for a beat before she forces it back.

But she doesn’t push. She keeps moving the conversation along, despite my lack of enthusiasm.

We’d both stayed on campus during the fall break, and it had been great. We spent a lot of the time in the library, me picking at snacks and reading whatever books called out to me from the stacks while Kinsley tried to play catch-up with her studies.

The weather had steadily cooled down, and if watching the fall fully arrive with leaves in all shades of orange and red had been pretty, inching closer to the end of the year had been magical. Frost touches the trees and makes the grass crack as you walk across it, bundled up in a scarf and woolly hat. It was everything I’d always wanted, and I kept ahold of that through each peaceful moment.

I faked it, mostly, but it helped.

Faking it seems to be all I can do these days. Faking that my heart didn’t break every time I glimpsed Madden across the courtyard. That my pulse didn’t race with fury every time I saw Bethany or her minions. That the weather was enough to make up for everything else that was missing from my wish come true.

But time had passed either way, and now, we were making our way home, my first time since I’d left. Kinsley had gone back for Thanksgiving and practically begged me to go with her, but seeing as I hadn’t been summoned by my father, I’d taken the chance to stay.

This time, though, luck wasn’t on my side.

I received an email from the airline about a week ago, listing my flight details with a ticket attached. It was family time after all … as if there really is a family to go home to.

Kinsley changed her own flight so we could travel together, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful for her than in that moment. Going home is one thing; having to make the distance alone is entirely another.

Home has never been much of a comforting space, and after the summer, it’s nothing but a black hole, waiting to suck me back into its ether of pain and despair.

“You sure you don’t want to stay at mine for a couple days?” Kinsley asks while we’re waiting at baggage claim.

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