Page 21 of Our Ruined Beginnings

“Madden,” I choke. He’s the one I need. I need him to tell me this isn’t happening. To hold me like he has so many times before when I’ve been overwhelmed. “Madden, please. He’s just joking. Playing a prank, like he always does. This isn’t real.”

“It’s real.”

Tears stream over my face so hard I can barely see. Evan takes my hand, threading our fingers together.

“No…”

“I’m sorry, Harper.”

“Why? How? I wouldn’t. How could this happen?” My lungs burn, my eyes flooding more. Neither boy says a word. The silence grows deafening as I heave in breaths, trying—and failing—to calm myself down.

Evan continues talking, but his words no longer take root in my ears as I drown in Madden’s gaze. Pure devastation stares back at me. His eyes are wide, his mouth set in a frown.

My hands grow clammy, my heart racing in my chest. This is a reaction from him I’d do anything to never get again, and the words I still long to hear from him never come.

Seconds pass, maybe even minutes, but all we do is stare. Evan murmurs about police and questioning and my dad, but I take none of it in—it’s background noise to the thumping of my heart in my ears, the rush of blood through my head so thundering I feel I might pass out.

I need Madden to say something. Anything. To tell me that no matter what I did, it will be okay; that we’ll get through it. We have to get through it. I can’t do this on my own. I need Madden. I always have… But as he finally peels his eyes away from me, his face becoming a blank mask, it’s clear he doesn’t feel the same.

A whimper crawls up my throat, my chest tightening, but before I can find the words to beg him to stay, the door slams open and he’s gone, leaving me alone in this new world.

I’ve spent so long wishing Madden back into my life that I never took a second to think about what it would be like without him … or with him fighting against me. It never seemed like a feasible option, but clearly I’m the only one who believed our bond to be unbreakable.

He snapped, abandoning me as though I was nothing. Apparently, that isn’t enough, though. Not only was my favorite person ripped away from me, but I also had to watch Madden walk away, clutching my barely beating heart in the palm of his hands. And now, I have to suffer through seeing him daily, seeing the hatred for me he harbors.

I wonder if he ever felt as strongly for me as I did him.

Maybe I was just his brother’s best friend who he strung along for entertainment. Riling each other up and playing our games was fun, sure, but clearly, he didn’t have as much skin in the game as I did.

That’s fine. Now I know.

I’ve spent all summer hoping to drown in my depression—no such luck—and I’ve mourned him alongside his brother. Now I need to eliminate him from my mind completely. Madden Taylor means nothing to me, and I’ll survive him a second time. Nothing could be as hard as the first.

Sitting up abruptly, I throw my comforter off—hangover free, a silver lining to our early departure—and sit cross-legged as I grab my phone. I dial Kinsley’s number, and she picks up quickly, no doubt still scrolling through her phone in bed at this hour.

“Hey, girl,” she greets easily. “Dried out yet?”

“Ha.” I drag the word out sarcastically, although she wouldn’t have joked about it had she not spent literally a whole hour last night making sure I wasn’t traumatized. Her soft chuckle comes down the phone as a smile twists across my lips.

“What’s up, buttercup?”

“You’re very cheerful this morning,” I tease. “Have you heard from your mysterious guy, by any chance?” She’s keeping uncharacteristically quiet about who he is, but she’s practically glowing.

“Whether I did or did not wake up to a phone call from a certain guy means nothing,” she says haughtily.

“Sure, whatever you say. What time do you want to meet today?”

“Shall we say an hour? I’ll grab us a coffee and meet you in the parking lot.”

My heart rate picks up at the thought of getting in her car, my newfound inner peace dissipating with each fresh beat. I swallow past the lump growing in my throat and crane my neck toward the open window. “We could walk?” I offer, trying to keep my tone even despite the pit forming in my stomach. “It looks gorgeous out.”

“Nah. We’ll want the car—I’m planning to shop until I drop,” she says easily, and I can’t think of a reason to disagree. I guess if there’s anyone who can help me push through the fear of driving, then it’s Kinsley.

We chat for a moment longer before we hang up, and I put my favorite playlist on before climbing out of bed and haphazardly straightening the bedding. I jump in the shower, careful not to wet my hair as I had to wash it when I got in last night. Chlorinedoes notgo well with curls. I take some time to put a little bit of makeup on and throw on some clothes Kinsley lent me, then pull the top half of my hair up into a bun to get it off my face.

The sun is rising steadily as I leave the dorm building, although it’s unseasonably chilly, even if it is nice and bright. After putting my sunglasses on, I head for the parking lot around the back. Kinsley’s dorm is the next one over, so I head to her parking lot, and she’s already leaning against the bonnet of her car.

“Are you ready to shop ’til we drop?” she hollers the moment I reach her, pushing a cold brew into my outstretched palm.

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