Page 74 of Our Ruined Beginnings

He preens. “It’s my magic charm.”

“More like an annoying charm,” I grumble, directing my gaze to the hot chocolate before answering his question.

“Come on, H. Be real with me. I think I earned it.”

“Really? Pulling the coma card so quick?” He smirks, but I concede with a sigh. “I don’t know. I’m so mad at him, Caleb. He was so quick to blame me. Did he…” I avert my eyes, but Caleb doesn’t make me ask if he knows everything.

“He told me all about it,” he interjects. “And for what it’s worth, I’d never have blamed you, and Madden had already forgiven you before he knew it wasn’t you.” I go to speak, but he holds his hands up in surrender. “I’m not excusing him; I just think that means something. And honestly, I don’t want to talk about the accident at all. I want to talk about the future. The future of Madper.”

I roll my eyes again, but my lips twitch all the same. “Is there a future? I let him treat me like that, so I guess I’m mad at me too. But I don’t know how we can move on from that, Caleb. I miss him. I miss us. I miss you. All I’ve wanted since graduation is to have you both back, causing havoc and driving me mad. But it all feels ruined now, and I don’t know where to go from here. How do I get to keep you but say goodbye to him?”

“Do you want to?”

My brow furrows in confusion. “Want to what?”

“Say goodbye to him?” Caleb explains, his voice soft.

“Shouldn’t I? He’s been so cruel.”

“I don’t think there areshoulds orshould nots here,” Caleb says, pulling my attention to him as he reaches for a bag at the side of his bed.

He offers it to me, but I hold back for a long moment, searching his face. His expression is nearly blank, but there’s a glimmer of something in his eyes. It’s the only reason my fingers curl around the plastic and tug it lightly from his grip.

I pull it open gingerly, laughing bitterly at the cotton sweater inside. My sweater—my comfort blanket when the nights were too long and dark—the same one I haven’t seen since I dumped it in Madden’s lap. I brush my hand over the material, anger and hope warring inside me at what it could mean.

“What do you want, Harper?” Caleb asks.

“What I’ve always wanted.” I flick my gaze up, blinking my misty eyes before focusing on my best friend. “Him.And that probably makes me the stupidest girl to ever exist, because I’ll offer him my heart and he’ll crush it to pieces.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“How can he not?” I ask sadly.

Caleb sighs, taking my hand in his and squeezing gently. “My brother is many things, and topping that list right now is a stupid idiot. But he also learns from his mistakes. He’s not the kind of person to make the same one twice. If you give him a chance, I think he’ll be exactly what you need him to be. He won’t hurt you again.”

“So, you think I should? Give my heart up to him on a platter? Let him hurt me again?”

“No,” Caleb says, and my nose wrinkles. “I’m not telling you what to do. As your best friend, my job is to support whatever decision you make, and if that’s pushing Madden off a cliff, then I’ll be at your side, giving you the strength you need to do so.”

“Caleb, he’s your brother. You can’t pick sides…”

“Sure I can. You’ve been my best friend forever, and Madden has been a twat. It seems like an easy side to pick.”

A light chuckle slips from my mouth, and I brush away a few stray tears, cocking my head. “Where were you when I needed you the last few months, hey? Just had to have your beauty rest.”

“You think I’m beautiful?” he teases, easing the remaining tension from the room.

“Absolutely not.”

Laughter echoes around us, and for the first time in a long time, I feel some semblance of peace. But of course, Caleb has to remind me of what’s waiting for me when I leave this room, and knowing I have a choice to make fills me with trepidation.

“Chase your happy, Harper—whatever that means to you—but if you do think it could be Madden, don’t let the bad times take away all the good. Make him work for it, if you do choose him. And as soon as I can, I’ll be right at your side to make his job that little bit harder.”

I let his words sink in for a moment, my fingers curling tightly into the sweater. It’s a loaded question, but there’s only one answer. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted. “All I want is to be loved unconditionally. That’s it. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. But apparently, it’s impossible to find.”

“Then you’re missing the point, H,” he says gently. “However he acted—however he tried to convince himself he saw you—Madden has loved you through it all.”

Chapter Thirty

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