Page 76 of Letting it Ride

As I think about it, I realize he’s spot on. This is one of the first times in my life I’ve reallystood up to Maddox, gone against what he thinks is right. “Maybe I just needed something worth fighting for,” I whisper.

“What matters is that you did it, Addie. And Maddox will be fine. Once he comes around, he’s going to be proud of you, too.” Cam brushes a piece of hair off my forehead and kisses the spot where it was.

“I love you,” I whisper.

He shifts so I can see his whole face. “I love you, too, Addie,” he says, but his smile fades. “But it’s time you knew more about some things. And if you change your mind about me, I’ll understand.”

29

CAM

My stomach twists. I’ve known this talk was coming. Honestly, with the way Addie and I have been able to talk about anything and everything, you’d think we would have discussed it already, instead of me having to drop it on her like a bomb while she’s in a post-orgasmic haze.

God, she’s so fucking beautiful too. Her cheeks are flushed, and her honey-brown eyes are bright. Her hair is fanned out across the pillow. I could look at her like this forever.

Actually, this is exactly the reason I haven’t wanted to bring it up. Why I changed the subject when she asked about it earlier. Because this Addie—the sweet goddess in front of me, looking at me with those big, trusting eyes—is going to be gone once she knows. Shewon’t look at me the same. It’s going to change everything, isn’t it?

Addie shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter, Cam. Whatever it is, we can figure it out.”

I take a deep breath. I’m not as optimistic as she is. “There’s not just one thing, though, Addie.”

This stuns her into silence long enough for me to get up the courage to say it.

“I told you that Ellie and I broke up for good because she cheated on me, that she slept with someone else. And itdidhappen while we were broken up—you know, we were on again, off again for a long time.” I let out a sigh. “I think that’s what wrecked me the most. It’s that I put so much effort into making it work. I was always taught that relationships are hard work, and you have to put in effort to keep things going. But with Ellie, I was always the one doing all the work.”

Addie nods, but she lets me keep going.

“The thing that really ended me and Ellie wasn’t just that she slept with someone else. It’s that she got pregnant with that guy’s kid.”

And there it is. The sharp intake of breath. I keep my gaze on my hands while I wait for Addie to point out how stupid I was to keep going back to her, how my judgment must have been so far off thatI was willing to work on a relationship Ellie was so easily willing to throw away. I can’t look her in the eye.

But instead, Addie lets her breath out in a sigh that mirrors mine. “That sucks, Cam. I can only imagine how that made you feel. To put in all the effort and have it turn out this way.”

I raise my gaze to her face, searching for the disgust or the scorn that I expected, but there’s only concern. Her features are soft, her eyes on me.

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Yeah. That’s exactly what I was feeling. All that effort for nothing. And I didn’t want to start a new relationship because I knew I didn’t have the bandwidth to put in effort anymore. It wouldn’t be fair to the person I was dating.” I study her face for clues, but all I see is support. “But with you—it’s easy, somehow. That’s what pulled me in.”

“So is that what Maddox was talking about? That Ellie got pregnant, that you weren’t up for another relationship because of the effort it took?” Addie’s eyebrows pull together in confusion. “I told him I knew everything, the whole story, because I trust you. I knew you’d tell me what I need to know. But is there something else?”

I swallow hard. “Maddox doesn’t know Ellie got pregnant, actually. Just that we broke up and it’s overfor good. It was embarrassing, I guess, the idea that the girl I’d dated on and off for over two years could do that to me.”

Addie tilts her head. “I get that. I really do, Cam. I’d never do something like that to you. And I understand if you need some time to get over it.” She stretches up to plant a kiss on my lips.

I slide my hand behind her head and pull her closer, taking the kiss deeper. This might be my last chance to kiss her, depending on how she reacts to the next piece of information I have to share, and I want to make sure it’s a good one.

Addie rubs a hand over her lips when she pulls back. “So what else is there, Cam? What’s Maddox so weird about?”

I push a hand through my hair, my stomach sinking as I imagine how she’s going to take this. “I’m not sure if this is really what’s on Maddox’s mind, to be fair. But it’s on mine.” I look her in the eye. “Back in college, one night, Maddox and I went out to a bar, and I drove us home at the end of the night. I’d had too much to drink, and I ended up getting in a car accident.”

Addie’s eyes widen. “Were you okay? Was anyone hurt?”

“No one was too badly hurt, thank goodness.Maddox was okay. The other car had a lot of damage, but the driver was fine. I hit my head and had to get stitches. I got a DUI and had to do community service. It fucked up my scholarship, so I had to take out loans to finish school. And I have a record that will never go away.”

My stomach twists, thinking of it. Remembering how disappointed my parents were, how they practically wrote me out of their lives after it happened. A card on my birthday every year is all the contact we have these days. It's why I spent almost every Christmas and Thanksgiving with the Andersons during college, and sometimes in the years after.

I force myself to meet Addie’s gaze, even though I’m not ready to see the disappointment on her face, too. But her expression hasn’t changed.

She fingers the scar above my eyebrow. “Is that where you got this?”

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