Page 25 of Letting it Ride

It’s not that I’m upset that I don’t have kids of my own, but more… why couldn’t Ellie have gotten pregnant withmybaby? Maybe we weren’t perfect together, and with a little distance from the relationship, I realize I was never in love with her.

But even so, I would have done the right thing. I would have taken care of them. We would have figured it out together if she’d given me a chance.

I wouldn’t have been as terrible a father as she suggested. My past is in the past, and I’ve made changes. I haven’t had a drink in more than a decade.

“Good choice. I was young and stupid.” She lifts her arms and drops them. “I know we got you for thiscruise because you’re a professional poker player, but what do you do for a regular job?”

She sounds like my grandmother. This is sounding less like her flirting and more like an interrogation. No one ever believes there’s enough money in this to make it a career, but it’s working for me so far.

I clear my throat. “This is my full-time job, actually. I figure eventually I’ll get a regular nine-to-five job, but I’m riding this wave as long as I can.”

Harper raises her eyebrows. I can’t tell if she’s impressed, or if she thinks this is a waste of time. I’ve seen both reactions. “That’s pretty nice. It must be a good lifestyle, huh?”

I shrug. “It can be. I have a lot of flexibility, but it’s a lot of late nights and travel for tournaments. When I settle down and have a family, I can see it being a strain.”

She nods, and we walk in silence for a few minutes. I look out at the ocean. It’s just miles and miles of emptiness, nothing to see but the waves.

“What would you do if you settled down?” Harper asks.

That’s a good question, one I’ve been thinking about for a while. Everything with Ellie pushed me to think about my life in a different way.

“I have a degree in applied mathand a teaching certificate. I wanted to teach high school at one point, or even younger kids, although right now I think I might need a master’s degree for that, depending on the state I work in. Or maybe I could do something in analytics. Who knows?”

Harper nods silently, pondering my answer.

I squint my eyes as we round the corner, wincing from the sun beaming right in my face. I wish I’d thought to bring my sunglasses, but I thought I’d be lifting weights in the gym until I ran away after ogling Addie’s ass.

“What did you do before you started working on the ship?” I ask.

Harper looks down, her perky armor showing a small crack, and I wonder if I shouldn’t have asked. Maybe people work on cruise ships to escape something. And while Harper seems nice enough, I’m not in the market for a relationship or anything deeper than a rebound on this vacation. I don’t want to lead her on or make her think there’s a chance for anything more than that.

She takes a breath. “I didn’t work for years while I was married. I met my ex-husband while I was in college and he was in medical school. I was a nursing major. I worked as a nurse for three years while he did his residency, but then when he got a job as a full-fledged doctor, he didn’t want me to work anymore. So I just stayed home.”

Harper gives her head a shake, like she’s shaking off bad memories, and then she’s back, the carefree beach girl persona firmly in place. It’s crazy how she can switch back and forth like that.

“Anyway, this is a nice deal I have going here. One could do worse than living on a ship in the Caribbean, you know? I think I’ll stick with this for a while,” she says with a shrug.

We walk another lap in silence while I mull over everything.

You’d think that learning more about Harper and sharing more about myself would make me feel closer to her somehow. Make me more interested in her. But I’m not, and I frown as I try to figure out why.

More people have joined us on the track by now, some walking and some running. I move to the side as a runner passes us. I know Miller told me to find a girl to hook up with and start getting over Ellie, but maybe I’m just not ready. Or is it that Harper’s not the right one?

When we reach my discarded shirt, I stop to pick it up, and Harper pauses too.

“I should get going, you know, actually do my job for a bit,” Harper laughs. “Thanks for talking. It wasnice to get to know you a little more. Can I find you later?”

“Sure. I’ll be at the pool in a little bit.”

Harper flips her ponytail again. “Looking forward to it.” She gives me a wink as she walks off.

My gaze follows her as she saunters away, waving hi to someone. As I focus, I realize the person she was waving to is a redhead. In black spandex that barely covers a body that’s way too familiar. I curse under my breath.

Dammit, Addie really needs to change. That outfit is inviting inappropriate attention. She doesn’t need guys lusting after her.

Especially me.

Addie makes eye contact with me. From this distance, I can’t read the expression on her face, but she isn’t smiling. I’m about to raise my hand in greeting, but before I can move, she turns away from me.

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