Page 15 of Letting it Ride

I pull the door open and somehow manage to keep my jaw from dropping.Pretty smallis an understatement. It’s a closet. It’s actually smaller than Annika’s walk-in closet. This is where I’m supposed to change my clothes?

Clearly, the designers of these rooms didn’t factor super awkward roommate situations into their planning.

There’s a sink, but no counter. Where do you keepthe flat iron and hair dryer and hair products? Not to mention makeup. Maybe I can try for more of a natural look this week, like beachy waves or whatever.

Who am I kidding? My hair doesn’t do natural. It needs to be tortured into submission. If I don’t have my products, we’re looking at messy buns for the whole vacation.

Cam moves to stand behind me in the doorway. My body registers his heat immediately. “I guess maybe you could put the case on the ground?”

I nod silently. Where to store things isn’t really my concern. On the floor is just as good as anyplace else. It’s more that I like to spread out while I get ready. It’s not like I can hold a hairbrush, flat iron, and texture spray in my hands all at the same time. Something needs a place to sit.

With a resigned sigh, I put the case on the floor beneath the sink. I’ll sort this out later. There’s no point in freaking out about the space issue because one, there’s nothing we can do to change it, and two, because it makes me look high maintenance.

And maybe I am when it comes to this. We all have our vices. I just don’t want all of mine on display for Cam all at once.

I consider the space again. Maybe I can put the makeup on the back of the toilet or something.

Cam takes a step back when I turn around. “So, uh, Harper left me a guidebook thing. It has maps in it and information about stuff. Let me give it to you so you can look through it.”

I’ve never heard Cam sound so unsure. He’s more laid back than Maddox or some of his other friends, but he’s always projected this air of quiet confidence. It’s one of the things I always liked about him. It’s such a contrast to my personality, where I fill any possible space with talking. If I’m happy, I talk. If I’m upset, I talk. If I’m nervous, it’s like word vomit, and I can’t stop it.

I feel bad that my being here is screwing with his plans, whatever those were, and that there’s something going on in his life that he needs to escape from for a while. But at the same time, this is probably the one cruise I’m going to get to go on in my life, and I’m going to take full advantage of everything here.

Cam hands me a bound stack of papers that’s so thick it feels like a textbook. I peer glumly around the small cabin, then settle on the sofa, which is surprisingly uncomfortable. I twist, trying to get situated, but it makes no difference.

With a huff, I flip open the book to the first page, then look up.

“Sit. Let’s look through this together,”I offer, scooting further to one side and patting the rocklike surface next to me.

He wordlessly lowers himself to the couch.

This is so awkward. I’ve known Cam forever, and it’s never been like this. Usually, conversation flows easily. We tease one another, banter back and forth. But we’ve never been one-on-one. There’s always Maddox and usually the rest of my family to provide a buffer.

I’m feeling pretty out of my element, too. My go-to icebreaker of saying something funny or silly has to go on the back burner, even though jokes are all that are popping into my head at the moment. I know Cam thinks of me as a little kid. Maddox’s baby sister. That’s all I’ve ever been to him.

And this week is about being whoever I want to be, and right now I feel like being a mature, confident woman.

Not mature like old. Just… mature. Not the baby of the family who has to be the Christmas Elf delivering presents to all the family members from under the tree because I did it once when I was three and it’s never gone away.

Every freaking Christmas.Addie, be the elf and hand out the presents!

It’s cute when you’re a kid. As a twenty-something, it seems like they’re just having fun at my expense. The last few years, I’ve had to force a smile while doing my present elf duties, trying to hold back the outpouring of emotion that tends to spill out when I’ve tried too hard to keep things bottled up inside.

I hold the guidebook between us so Cam and I can both see the pages. “So, it looks like this ship is huge. Where are we on these maps? Might be easier to start from there.”

Cam slides a little closer to me. His arm brushes mine as he reaches over to flip a page in the book, and a spark of electricity shoots through me as my breath catches, reminding me of all those years I’ve pined after him.

I hate that Cam sees me as just Maddox’s little sister. Do older siblings ever realize their little brothers and sisters have grown up? Or are we younger siblings always locked into the “baby of the family” position?

This is my chance to break out of the mold. Maybe not for my family, but for me. And Cam, who kind of counts as family. At least, he sees me the same way they do.

Until now. I can be a mature woman.

“…There.” Cam points to something on a page.

Dammit. A mature woman would be paying attentionto what he was saying. I can’t admit I zoned out already. Pretty sure that if I said,Can you repeat that? I was busy thinking about licking your abs and being the Christmas Elf,it would not move our relationship forward.

He’d probably find the phone he hid away somewhere and call Maddox to come pick me up like a kid getting in trouble at school, honeymoon be damned.

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