Page 73 of Going All In

I feel gutted. My heart pounds in my chest.This can’t be happening again.

Ashley laughs, reminding me that she’s still standing in front of me. “You look surprised.”

Maddox wouldn’t lie to me like this, I know he wouldn’t, but this is too close toThe Incident. I need to get away. “I, uh, just didn’t know he was married. But I only met him recently.” Both true statements. “Can you excuse me? I’m going to find my table. It was nice meeting you.”

I step away from the bar, looking around again. I see Maddox across the room, engaged in conversation with some people I haven’t met. I take a few steps toward him, then stop, reconsidering.

If I go to him now, everyone will know. Everyone will see Holly being made a fool of once again. Better to get away from all of this before I give them fodder for their gossip.

My hands are tingling, and my breath is coming in short gasps.

I need to get out of here.

The snow is falling pretty hard outside, which is going to make it tough to get home in my car. I have had two drinks, though, so maybe it’s for the best that I don’t drive right now. I wonder how much it would cost to get a room here?

* * *

I take the elevator to the second floor and find my room a few doors down the hall. The bathroom light is the only thing illuminating the room when I enter, but that’s enough for me. I’d rather have my pity party in the dark, anyway.

I toss my purse on the dresser, kick off my flats, and flop down on the bed.

I lay there motionless for a few minutes before grabbing one of the pillows and holding it over my face as I scream my frustration into it.

Once the dam breaks, everything flows out in hot tears of emotion. I thought all those bottled-up emotions were done making me cry, but turns out there are more. Every bit of pain, grief, and self-doubt pours out of me. I scream into the pillow over and over, letting it all spill out.

The anger at myself for failing to find Julio a foster home.

The sadness that he’ll have to go to a group home.

Fury at the grip Jared and his betrayal still have on me.

Frustration at myself for not being strong enough to move past what happened at Mom’s funeral. Guilt for ruining Dad and Judy’s wedding on top of everything at the rehearsal dinner.

And above all, the pain of my heart breaking. Because despite everything, the family and warmth I thought was growing around me these last weeks, I’m alone.

25

MADDOX

What the fuck is Ashley doing here?

I thought I was rid of the manipulative gold-digger a few years ago. She and I were dating back when my dad got sick and when he died. I’d thought she was my angel, standing by me while he went into hospice. She held my hand at his funeral. We married a few months before he died, so he could be there. Ashley’s idea.

Then as soon as the life insurance money was available, she had an agenda. And it was all about the money. Looking back, I should have known. She was always obsessed with status. She had to have the most expensive haircut, the top-of-the-line purse, the insanely high-priced shoes, spray tans, teeth whitening.

She wasn’t my type, not anywhere close. But I was emotionally vulnerable after Dad died. We all were. That’s when Josie married Chris too, although hers seems to have worked out.

We weren’t all so lucky.

Ashley is the reason I haven’t wanted to pursue a relationship for years, never wanting more than one night with any girl. Until Holly.

I tug on the back of my neck. I don’t see Holly anywhere. The last time I caught a glimpse of her, she was at the bar, which is where Ashley is now. From there, it’s not that hard to put two and two together.

I may not use my undergrad psych degree, but I remember a few things.

If Ashley said something to Holly, she could have triggered a trauma response. Holly needs me.

I know I said I’d give her space today, pretend we weren’t together for one more day, but I can’t let her be alone if she’s going through something.

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