Page 47 of Going All In

I just want to help Julio.

* * *

Forty families. I called forty families and not one of them has availability to take on another foster kid right now.

I get that it’s the holidays, things are tight, and that he’s an older kid who’s going to be tough to place, regardless. But thinking of Julio in a group home for Christmas just tears at my heart. If there weren’t a ton of red tape in the way, I’d offer to take him home with me right now.

Plus, I currently live in a two-bedroom apartment with a roommate who likes to bring home her fuck buddies. I’m not sure it’s quite the nurturing environment that an eight-year-old needs.

I flip the folder closed, downtrodden. I feel like I’ve failed him.

This is a slippery slope and a dangerous pathway to go down. If I take things like this personally, I’ll never last in this job.

This is what I do, not who I am.

I repeat the mantra four times to help it sink in.

Because if being a caseworker—being Julio’s caseworker—is who I am, then every kid I fail to place, every child that ends up in a worse situation than the one we removed them from, is a personal failure, a judgment on me and who I am. And as my mentor told me when I started, that’s the quickest way to burn out.

I lean back in my chair and close my eyes. Maybe one of the other caseworkers has a lead on a new family that’s going to be available. I’ll use my network, find something for him. I grab a purple sticky note off the closest pad and jot a note to myself to look into that. I stick it to my computer screen, next to two other notes to myself.

And since I didn’t find a home for Julio today, I shoot a text to JJ, asking her to set up another date for this weekend.

* * *

JJ looks troubled from the minute I catch sight of her across the restaurant. Is something already wrong with her and Justin? She texted me half an hour ago and said she’d meet me at the trendy bistro, since we were both coming from work. Me from the office, and her from wherever she’s spent her day with home visits.

I slide into the booth across from her as I pull off my mittens. She’s ordered us both vodka cranberries, and I take a grateful sip, savoring the tart drink.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in days! What’s new?” I sip my cocktail between sentences.

JJ looks to her left. I’ve never known her to avoid confrontation, so this is all new to me.

The restaurant is about two-thirds full, which isn’t bad for a Monday night. The hum of conversations around us is a perfect, soothing background to our heart-to-heart.

“Well, um…” She can’t meet my eyes.

Okay, we’re going to nip this in the bud. I’ve never seen JJ so nervous, and she has absolutely zero reason to be stressed right now.

“Did Justin ask you out?” I look straight at her.

JJ finally meets my gaze, her eyes wide. “How did you…”

I give a sharp nod. “He asked me for my blessing. He’s into you. He’s a really good guy, with morals that rival yours. I support it, JJ.”

She must have been holding her breath, because she lets one out and slumps slightly in her seat. “I was trying to figure out how to tell you. I never try to go for guys you like or that you’ve dated, but there’s something about him.” Her gaze snaps up to mine. “I didn’t go behind your back, I promise. Nothing happened until after you talked to Justin, and he told me you were okay with it. But I still feel shady as fuck not talking directly to you about it. I promise Justin wasn’t scamming on you that night at the bar. We just had a really good conversation when we went to get drinks and then again when you went to the bathroom. I swear, you’re number one in my life. Guys come and go, but we’ll have each other forever, right?”

I laugh as she finally takes a breath. “Of course, babe. You’re my ride or die, plus my source for clothes that are way cooler than my own. I one hundred percent support you dating him, and I told him the same thing.”

JJ picks up her glass and holds it up. “Thank you so much, girl. You’re my person, forever. I appreciate this more than you know. And… I like him. I really do.”

I snort. “Of course you do. He’s basically me with a dick.”

We clink glasses and dissolve into giggles before we can take a sip.

“But,” I say, pointing to her when we’ve reined in our laughter, “I need you to set me up on a date for Friday or Saturday. Or any day. I have three weeks to find a date for the wedding. Tick, tock.”

JJ laughs again as she pulls her phone out, looking much lighter than she did when I walked into the restaurant. “If you’re still insisting on dating someone other than Maddox, I’ve got you. There are three guys that have been messaging you, wanting to get dinner. Look at them and let me know if you have a preference.”

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