Page 41 of Going All In

Addison and Josie slide back into their spots on the couch.

“What was that about?” Addie asks.

I shake my head. “I don’t know.” This is one hundred percent a lie. I know exactly what it’s about.

I’m just not sure I’m ready to hear it.

* * *

JJ is engrossed in some game on her phone when I burst through the door of our apartment. She looks up briefly, something on her face unreadable. It almost looks guilty, but I don’t have time to dissect that right now.

She gives me a wave. “How was Thanksgiving?”

“Interesting. Infuriating. Confusing.” I plop onto the sofa across from her.

She taps something on the phone, then places it on the coffee table. “Do tell. I thought you were going to be back last night, by the way.”

I blow out my breath. “Yeah, so did I.”

And then I tell JJ the whole story. How we missed the last train of the evening. How I slept in Maddox’s old bedroom, how we laid there and talked until I fell asleep. I rolled over at some point during the night and realized he wasn’t there, but he’d pulled the covers up over me.

I leave out how we dry humped one another to completion.

JJ’s eyebrows rise higher with each successive detail. When I finally take a breath, she stands up and walks toward the kitchen.

“JJ?” I call.

“We need chocolate for this.” She returns a few minutes later with one of the Hershey’s bars we stockpile in the freezer.

I unwrap it and crack off a piece of frozen chocolate. “So? What do you think?”

“I…” JJ looks almost nervous, which is not an expression I’m familiar with when it comes to her. She’s basically cultivated her personality around being assertive and straightforward.

“JJ?” I ask, confused.

She swallows the piece of chocolate she’s chewing and washes it down with a sip from her ever-present water bottle. “Okay. You know I love you, right?”

I nod. “Right back at you.”

“And I want what’s best for you.”

This sounds like she’s about to break up with me or fire me or something. What the hell is going on?

“What is it that you really want, Holly? The incident aside. The family drama and all that shit aside. What do you want? Or who?” Her gaze is so intense that I almost have to look away.

When she puts it that way, it’s actually not a hard question. “Maddox,” I say softly. “But I can’t—”

She shakes her head. “We’re not talking about everyone else right now. I know you have stuff in your past. We all do. God knows I’m as fucked up as anyone else. But I can excuse some of your stupid behaviors because I understand where you’re coming from. Maddox doesn’t. I think you owe it to him to tell him.”

I can’t, though. Even thinking about the incident makes my cheeks flame and my stomach curl into a ball. What would Maddox think of me if he knew?

“I know,” I admit. “And I know he’s a good listener. It’s just still so humiliating.”

She puts a sympathetic arm around me, and I lean into her shoulder. “You can do this. And Holly?”

I sit back up and look at her. The expression she had before is back. Nerves or anxiety or something decidedly un-JJ-like.

“Please talk to Justin. I got to know him a little the other night.” Her gaze darts away, then comes back to me. “He’s a good guy. If Maddox is who you really want, let him know. Don’t string him along.”

---