Page 10 of Between Hope & Tragedy

Thirty minutes later, I was driving past the security post after identifying myself as a former student and went to the visitor parking lot he had directed me toward.

I pulled off the back of the visitor sticker he gave to me and jumped out of the truck, still dressed in my funeral clothes. I walked purposefully through the double doors and toward the administration office.

When I walked in, I saw that he was standing behind the secretary who had been playing devil’s advocate with a file open.

“May I help you?” she asked, glancing up at me.

I locked eyes with Garrett, who flipped the file closed with the flick of a wrist. The look on my face must have been one of absolute rage because he chuckled and motioned for me to follow him into his office.

“If you start yelling, she’ll call the police. Not because I’ve told her to, but because we have to protect our students,” he said, closing the door behind me.

I stood behind the chair that was across from his desk, watching him as he dropped the file down and sat. He leaned back, crossed his arms behind his head, and gave me a stern look.

“Now, if you can talk to me like an adult, I have no issues having this conversation. The moment you raise your voice, Zaydee, we’re done.”

I began to drum my fingers on the chair and stared at him. I had to calm myself down before I spoke, otherwise he’d kick me out and I’d be escorted off of school property. Not exactly something I wanted to experience the same day as burying my grandfather.

“Why did you do that, Garrett?” I asked as calmly as I could.

“Because it was the best time to do it,” he replied simply. “Frances is the reason that Scott is still in the family and he’s also the reason you came back.”

“I’m not staying. I have a home in Florida and I plan on going back there. You need to forget whatever you seem to think is going to happen here,” I replied with a laugh.

Garrett leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands on his desk. It was obvious that my laughter had pissed him off, because he turned an angry shade of red. I waited for him to flip out on me, but he didn’t. Instead, he looked down for a moment, cleared his throat, and sighed.

“Sit down, Zaydee. You’re making me nervous.”

“There’s nothing to be nervous about. I’m not staying. I’m happy that my grandparents were kind enough to give the kid a good home and keep him close, but I’m also angry. Angry that everyone seemed to know but me. Angry that there’s fourteen years just sitting there that I’ll never get back. Angry that I don’t even want to try to make up for lost time,” I replied, my voice starting to crack. “He’s better off without me. Everyone here is. I only end up fucking everything and everyone over. Why should I try to step in now and make it right, when I wasn’t even given a chance to make it work?”

“Because you owe yourself some happiness,” he replied softly.

I let out a loud laugh. Happiness? Didn’t he know that I was the perpetual sad girl? The girl that knew that happiness didn’t come to everyone and I had resigned myself to that? That I was“happiest” being alone in my home in Florida where no one knew who I was?

“I’m my best self when I’m alone,” I replied coldly. “You have a wonderful life now. You won’t have to worry about me bothering you again.”

“Would it change anything if I told you that I still love you?” he asked.

“You don’t love me,” I scoffed. “We had a stupid fling. You knocked me up, broke my heart, and the family kept it all a secret from me. I’ve had more than enough of Los Angeles to last me a lifetime.”

“I gave up my entire life to be with you! My family! My home! Everything I ever knew was turned upside down the first time you kissed me! Do you really think that my feelings have just gone away?” he asked incredulously.

That simple plea from him put an idea in my head. If Garrettreallyloved me and wanted us to be together again, then I could make him prove it in more ways than one.

“Look, I have to go. I want to be alone for the rest of the day. Come by the Hilton on South Grand tomorrow and we can talk more about this when I have a clear head. I’m in room five-twenty-seven.”

I looked at him and shook my head before I turned and walked out. The rest of the day would be mine. I’d take a nap, watch some television, and try to get this clusterfuck of a day out of my head.

Tomorrow would be different; with the dawning of a new day, I would put Garrett’s declaration of love to the test.

I was sitting on the carpeted floor of the hotel room the next morning watching The History Channel, when a knock came at the door. I had become so engrossed in the program on barbarians that I wasn't really aware of it until it came for a second time, and harder than before.

"Coming!" I called out, not moving from my spot. If it was that important to get into my room, whoever it was would be able to wait until a commercial came on. I pulled my legs underneath myself and leaned back against the edge of the bed, listening to the program expert when a voice rang out.

"Zaydee? It's Garrett."

I sighed and got to my feet. I went over to the door, unlocked it and pulled it open, keeping my eyes on the television the entire time. He walked into the room and I went back to my spot on the floor.

"Sit down somewhere. It's the History channel. You should like this," I said, waving at him absentmindedly.

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