Page 79 of Diving In

Cal retrieved the anchor at the front of the boat while I reached under the seat to grab a wetsuit. This time, it only took me a few minutes to get into it, and by the time I was done, Cal had us securely anchored. When he saw me standing there in a wetsuit, clinging onto a snorkeling mask, he allowed an uneasy expression to mar his features.

“Could you zip me up?” I requested, ignoring what I imagined would be his objections.

“What are you doing, Georgia?”

“I’m finally going to do it. I’m diving in,” I said calmly, as if what I was doing wasn’t actually fucking insane.

“The fuck you are.” Cal’s voice was stern. “If you think I’m going to let you go diving, you’ve lost your fucking mind. You’re a smart girl, and you grew up with divers, so I think you’re well aware of the process that has to happen before I’m letting you get in that water with that tank,” he huffed.

“I’m wild, Cal, but I’m notthatwild. I don’t want to scuba dive… at least not yet. But I do want to get in the water. I’m ready. I know I’ll have to go slow, maybe start with snorkeling”—I held up the snorkel mask in my hands—“but I knew I wouldn’t feel safe enough unless I was near you. I need you right here beside me while I do this.”

“Georgia, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone, especially not me,” Cal said genuinely.

“That’s just it, Cal. I’m not proving anything to anyone besides myself. After Fletcher died, I stopped doing anything that I couldn’t control. I planned my entire life out, down to the last nitty gritty detail. I wanted to know what to expect and when to expect it, so much so that by the time I realized what I’d done, I hadn’t even noticed when my happiness disappeared somewhere along the way. I spent a long time desperately trying to heal myself, doing whatever I could to feel again, but nothing seemed to work.

“Since being here, being with you, I’ve realized that I can’t blame the ocean for doing the only thing she knows how to do—simply exist. Just like I can’t blame myself for always having to be in control.

“I spent my whole life being afraid of the water. Afraid of diving. Afraid that if I went under, I’d never resurface. Then my worst fears were confirmed when Fletcher went under, and he never came back up. Just like that, he wasgone. I spent so many years angry at the ocean for taking him away from me. I’ve hated the water ever since that moment, letting fear consume every aspect of my life. I don’t want to live like that anymore.” I paused before saying, “So now, with you as my witness, I’m going to go for a dive in their favorite spot.” Finally, I let out a deep breath, daring to meet his eyes after the unintentionally one-sided conversation.

“Georgia James, I’ll take it at slow as you need to take it. I’ll be right next to you every single step of the way, and if you decide you’re done, I’ll get you out of there as fast as I can. You never have to be scared of water again. I’ve got you, from now until forever.” His voice was calm and steady, which was exactly what I needed in this moment.

“And, Georgia…” He paused before speaking again. “I’m so damn proud of you. Jack and Fletcher would be too.”

My heart exploded, and with a smirk, I asked, “So, are you coming with me or not?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

CHAPTER 30

“Ready?” Cal asked, squeezing my hand a few times.

As I sat on the side of the boat, I allowed myself to be overcome with calmness. I wasn’t scared anymore. The fear had finally subsided, giving me permission to just be, to simply enjoy the world around me.

I looked over my shoulder at Cal and smiled. “I’m ready.”

With our hands clasped tightly together, we bent our knees, inhaled deep breaths of cold ocean air, and sprang our legs as high as we could, finally diving in. The temperature was colder than I expected, immediately taking my breath away. I noticed Cal treading lightly, waiting for me to give him the go ahead. So, I did.

I’d never understood what it was about diving that my Jack couldn’t get enough of. To be honest, I always felt aggressively uneasy as soon as my feet hit the water. Whether it was the unknown of what lingered below or just how quickly things could go wrong—and trust me they could almost always go wrong—I just didn’t share that same undeniable passion for the ocean.

Until now.

For the first time in my entire life, I think I was beginning to understand what the hype was all about. The second I was submerged underwater, everything else fell silent, and for the first time in years, Ididn’t have to think. I could shut off all the chaos that was constantly floating around in my head. I could turn off the plans, the schedules, the control. Because I had finally accepted that I wasn’t in control anymore, the ocean was, and that was the closest thing I’d ever felt to magic.

Fletcher and Jack always used to tell me that being underwater was like getting to explore a whole new world. I’d never believed them, but when I opened my eyes now, I couldn’t believe that I’d missed out on this my entire life. Everything was so serene, so damn beautiful. It was peaceful and exciting all at once. The views were something out of a David Attenborough documentary. I spent the next ten minutes discovering the ocean in all her unbelievable glory.

With Cal by my side, I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt strong, brave, almost invincible. But then, for a split second, a little sadness poured in at the thought of what I would do to have Fletcher and Jack down here with me, to get to experience this with them even once.

But then, as I took in my surroundings, I had a deeply rooted awareness that it wasn’t just Cal and me diving down here. It was all four of us.

I hovered just above Cal as he slowly made his way to the surface, allowing my body to freely flow with the waves. While floating, something tied to the buoy caught my eye. Surprising myself with bravery, I swam away from Cal. As I got closer, I realized there was a glass bottle attached.

Up close, the glass bottle turned out to be an old mason jar. There was, however, what appeared to be a letter inside. I untied the jar from ragged rope that had connected it to the bobbing buoy and swam back in the direction of the boat.

My head broke the surface for some much-needed air and turned my body to face the boat, shouting in Cal’s direction. “Someone left a message in a bottle wrapped around the buoy!”

I climbed the ladder on the back of the boat, eager to see what was inside. Cal had caught up to me, throwing a towel over my back and standing right next to me, his body radiating heat from the late summer sun that hovered above us.

“And they say romance is dead.” I smirked with a smart-ass tone.

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