Page 5 of Diving In

“Tomorrow morning. Which means I won’t have time to get into my doctor to refill my prescription, so tomorrow’s flight should be fun!” I said sarcastically, taking a sip of my wine.

And by prescription, I meant my anxiety meds, because as much as I hated to admit it, I’d struggled with anxiety ever since I could remember. And flying, especially flying by myself, paired with the fact that I was flying to Sullivan’s Island had anxiety attack written all over it.

“Have you told Ian yet?” she asked while side-eyeing the shit out of me, clearly already knowing the answer.

The only downfall of having a best friend who knew every single thing about me was that I literally could not hide anything from her. She could tell I was lying before the words even left my mouth. So, I opted for the truth.

“No, I haven’t heard from him yet. I didn’t have the energy to call him and rehash the details,” I replied, allowing a deep sigh to slip through my lips.

Ivy nudged me, staring straight into my soul with her piercing brown eyes. “You know you’re going to have to tell him, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” I relented. “Obviously I couldn’t just hop on a plane, tie up Jack’s questionable loose ends, and be back in New York before Ian even knew I was gone…” I told her, even though I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind at least a hundred times today.

“Georgia. My god. I hate to be the bearer of bad news here, especially after the day you’ve had, but we’re halfway through this wine bottle, so we might as well get it all out…” Ivy started. “And before you try to make excuses, will you just hear me out, please?” she asked.

“Ivy—” I started.

She shot an intense look in my direction, effectively shutting me up. I knew she wasn’t going to let me avoid this any longer.

“Please?”

I took a long gulp of cabernet, doing my best to brace myself for this conversation.

“Fine.”

“The fact that you just admitted to thinking about going to Sullivan’s Island without telling your boyfriend, all so that you can single-handedly deal with your dad’s death—which you also haven’t told your boyfriend about—should seriously be enough to have you realizing that maybe things aren’t as great as you’ve previously tried to make them out to be,” she said.

“It’s just… easier,” I replied, defeated.

“Easier? First of all, it shouldn’t beeasyto hide things from him, and secondly, you shouldn’twantto hide things from him. That’s the point of a relationship, you know… To wade through the waters together when things are muddy and hard and scary as hell.”

Glancing down self-consciously, I said, “Our relationship has always been like that. Ian and I both live our own lives and come together when it’s convenient. It works for us. You know that.”

“You’re right, I do know that. That doesn’t mean I have to agree with it though. I’ve stayed quiet throughout your relationship because you’ve always handled things in your own way, but seeing you today… The idea that you might tread through this alone because you’re actuallyunableto communicate with him really bothers me. I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t tell you that you deserve so much more than that. You deserve someone who will share in your hardships, both because they want to support you and because you want them to.”

Just when I thought she was done, she kept going. “And I know that your idea of a relationship is all sorts of fucked up because of the shit that you’ve had to endure with your parents. I get that, and I wish I could change it, but I can’t. What I can do is try to help you open your eyes before you do something you might regret. As one of the only people you’ll actually listen to, it’s my responsibility to be blunt… Your relationship with Ian is not normal or anything even remotely good enough for you. It’s borderline unhealthy to be honest. Life is too fucking short to be with someone simply out of convenience.”

Ivy was always honest with me, but I was still taken aback by her bluntness. I wasn’t sure how to respond, but it was the same thought that I’d been struggling with for a while now.

“I think you might be right, Ives,” I hesitated.

Ivy’s eyes grew large and she inched herself closer to me on the couch, crossing her legs and positioning her body toward mine as she gulped down the last bit of wine in her glass.

“If I’m being honest, I’ve been emotionally checked out of this relationship for a while now, but I just haven’t found the right time to do anything about it.”

“There will never be a right time, G. You know that.” Her voice softened. “But do you really want to look back on your life and say that you did nothing to make things better, to make yourself happier?”

My body tensed at the thought of all that regret. As I listened to Ivy say these things out loud, my perspective changed. A lot of the time, things floated around my head unaddressed simply because processing them seemed scarier than ignoring them. This time, Ivy had given me no choice but to stare at it head-on. To be fair, the wine probably deserves some credit too.

“You don’t have to respond, G, but you do have to promise me that you’ll think about what I said. Think about what you want, what youdeserve,” she offered.

“I promise.” I reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze to try to drive home my point when I felt like my words wouldn’t do the trick.

Ivy and I spent the rest of the night chatting over wine and nibbling on my freshly baked lemon poppyseed scones—Ivy’s favorite. She’d always known how to take my mind off things without even realizing what she was doing, and tonight was no different.

Shortly after Ivy left, I picked up my phone and dialed Ian’s cell. The wine had gone straight to my head, leaving me a bit lightheaded. My heartbeat echoed through my chest, mimicking the ringing coming through the speaker. I was desperate to hear that all too familiar sound of his voicemail.

Catching me completely off guard and quickly inviting the heaviness back into my chest, he miraculously picked up.

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