Page 56 of Diving In

Guilt immediately washed over me, wavering me unsteady. I grabbed the door frame as my body leaned up against it, my fingers gripping the wood that bordered the door.

I hadn’t meant the things I said to him. I only said them because I assumed that he had hurt me too. I felt so stupid for not justaskinghim about the situation, trusting him to tell me the truth. I couldn’t fathom knowing that was quite possibly the last time I would ever see him, and now our relationship was in such a volatile place.

Relationship.I didn’t even know if I was allowed to call it that, but I had a good feeling the answer was no.

“That guy was a bit… odd? I’m starting to see why you wanted off this island so desperately.” Ian chuckled, his voice muffled from the other side of the kitchen.

Taking a few deep breaths, I mustered enough energy to re-balance myself, closing the front door and heading toward the kitchen. “I think he just has a lot going on,” I defended Cal without much thought.

Completely oblivious to all the tension surrounding us, Ian stated, “It’s almost 12:15, you should probably get yourself dressed so we can get to this restaurant before we need to head to the airport.”

“Yeah,” I said. It felt nearly impossible to get a single word out.

Leaving Ian searching through the pantry, I walked out of the kitchen and made my way up to my room.

I kept seeing Cal’s face after I was so cruel to him, those deep blues tugging at every heartstring possible. I’d never forget that face, not for as long as I lived. I didn’t let much bother me, but when I did, when I really got hurt, I took things to an extreme to make sure the other person felt my pain too.

Shit, look at how I treated Jack. He’d hurt me, and in return, I only answered his calls one or two times a year and refused to step foot back on this island until he was gone.

Part of me wanted to skip out on The Rogue Shallot and just head straight to the airport, to leave all this bullshit behind and try to forget that any of it ever happened. But then I replayed Cal’s words over and over again like a broken record—You hurt all over, but instead of dealing with the hurt, you ignore it—and I knew I couldn’t leave yet.

If I didn’t go to The Rogue Shallot, I would be doing exactly what Cal said I would: pushing it all away, ignoring it. For once, I wanted to face it. All of it. The ugly, the hard, every damn piece of it. So, I buckled up, put on my big girl panties, and went downstairs to find Ian.

I ended up in jeans, a causal oversized blue-and-white-striped collared button-up, and a pair of white sneakers. I could at least give the appearance that my life wasn’t falling apart.

“Finally,” I heard Ian mumble under his breath.

“Sorry, I had to finish packing too,” I said as I fumbled my suitcase down the last few steps, half expecting Ian to come grab it from me but not surprised when he didn’t move from the couch.

Before we broke up, I’d been happy with Ian, but that was laughable now, because after spending just a few days with Cal, it was clear that I could and should be treated far better than Ian ever treated me. It was wild to see the drastic differences between the two men. The simple distinctions that I never would’ve recognized before. The “Let me grab that suitcase for you,” “Are you okay?” and of course, “I’ve got you.” Things I was sure Ian did in the beginning, but I just couldn’t seem to recall from that long ago.

However, I knew that the feelings Cal and I shared over the last couple of days were just that…feelings. And after a certain point, we would’ve gotten comfortable with each other, just as Mom and Jack had, and comfort wouldn’t be enough when times got hard.

Nothing stays that magical, not even Callahan Thomas.

“I’m going to grab an Uber. Do you know the address?” he asked.

“No,” I huffed, annoyed as I finally made my way to the bottom step.

“Shit, that’s grade-A service. He’s only two minutes away.” Ian smirked.

“That’s what happens when you’re on an island that’s only a few miles long. Ubers are eager for their next trip,” I said.

“I like it. I’m going to meet our driver out there, you good?”

“I’m good,” was all I could manage to say.

I was hit with the reality that I was forever leaving this house, Jack, the island, all of it… I felt a little weak in the knees.

Relieved that Ian had gone outside, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, turning around to survey the house one last time—the beauty, the sophistication, and the breathtaking views.

From the moment I’d stepped foot inside this house, I could feel Jack all around me. Everywhere I looked, everything I saw, just… everything, right down to the scents that floated through the rooms. Jack was everywhere, and until now, I hadn’t realized that it brought me a sense of comfort, of steadiness. I was afraid that as soon as I walked out that front door for the last time, I wouldn’t just be leaving this house, I’d be leaving Jack too.

I’d already spent too much time saying my goodbyes, and I knew Ian would be wondering what the hell was going on. So, I placed my hand on the golden handle, and before I twisted it, I looked over my shoulder and whispered, “Goodbye, Jack,” before making my way down the stairs.

“Sorry, babe. I totally forgot about your suitcase,” Ian said as he approached the steps with his hand extended, watching me get manhandled by yet another set of steps.

“I’ve got it,” I snapped.

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