Page 27 of Diving In

“It’s just a fuckinglot,” I admitted, failing at holding back my tears but accepting that my best friend didn’t mind my vulnerability. “Jack hid so much from me, and I know that’s partly my fault for not really keeping in touch with him, but now it’s all coming out and it’s overwhelming me by the second. He left letters scattered around the island for me to find on some type of fucking scavenger hunt, wanting me to read them whilst on a journey to trulyfind myself… Whatever the fuck that means.” I exhaled. “Oh, and on top of that, the guy who called Mom and told her about Jack was who was waiting for me at the aquarium.”

“Okay?” Ivy’s voice raised, suspecting there was more I wasn’t saying.

“It was Cal Thomas.”

“Cal Thomas? As in Fletcher’s friend, Cal?”

“Ding, ding, ding!” I said. “And while I thought fifteen-year-old me had a crush on him, she held no candle to twenty-nine-year-old me… My god. I’ve never been so attracted to someone in my entire life. The ridiculous thoughts I’m having about him are nothing I’ve had toward anyone, literally ever.”

Ivy was silent on the other end, knowing I had a hard time stopping once I got going. “And—yes, there’s another and—he’s fucking gorgeous. I mean, like makes you want to beg for himgorgeous. I feel completely fucking unhinged, Ivy.”

“Holy hell, G. This is… unexpected, and really unlike you,” she insisted, and I could hear a small smile in her tone.

“I know. And then waves of guilt flood through me whenever I realize that I’ve been out of my years-long relationship for literally one day.”

“Let’s rewind,” she said, ignoring me. “You said Jack left letters for you? Do you think that’s why he wanted you to come back? Why didn’t he just have the letters mailed?”

“I wish I could say I knew why, but it’s Jack, so…” I answered.

“G, I can’t even begin to imagine the emotions swirling around in your brain. I know that the island has taken so much from you, so please don’t hate me for saying this, but maybe Jack was on to something.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean that maybe you being back on the island isn’t such a bad thing. I truly believe that despite the bad things that happened there, the island was really fucking amazing. I think deep down you know that too,” she suggested. “And I’m not saying you have to love it. Hell, you don’t even have to like it, but just try to accept it. All of it. Whatever that looks like.”

I processed her words, and while I didn’t necessarily agree, I didn’t entirely disagree with her either. I think part of me had hoped she would tell me to forget it all—Jack, Cal, the letters—and get my ass back to New York. But knowing Ivy, I also knew that was the last thing she’d suggest.

She’d always been the brutally honest one, the one who told you straight up just how things were. I both loved and hated that, but especially in moments like this, I wished she’d just lie to me and make things a whole hell of a lot easier.

She proceeded, sensing that I’d gotten lost in my own thoughts. “So… Cal?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“Cliché much?” She giggled.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, G,” she joked. “He was your brother’s friend, you haven’t seen him in years, and he was simply waiting for you at the aquarium your late dad apparently owned on a tiny island that you never planned on returning to? Oh, and the only reason you were there in the first place is because of some letters that said late dad left for you, which this beautiful man just happened to be in charge of? Hold on, I’m calling Hallmark.”

“You’re so dramatic. It was a simple coincidence. Nothing more,” I piped in.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night. Speaking of sleep, you haven’t done that with Cal, have you?”

“My God, Ivy. No. I’ve been on the island for twenty-four hours.”

“So you haven’t done anything about these feelings yet?” she probed.

“Physically, no. Mentally… I have one hundred percent had sex with him at least three times already.”

I took in the little beach cove that surrounded me and managed a smile. Ivy always knew how to do that—take my volatile mental state and bring me back up from the depths within a matter of minutes.

“At this point, I’m here for your escapades. I say fucking go for it. A lot of things are out of your control right now, but you know the one thing you can control?” Her voice ended on a high note, and I could practically see her grin through the phone.

“Let me guess?”

“Who you have sex with. And honestly, it might help you blow off some steam, or dare I say… relax?”

The fact that someone else had validated my attraction to Cal, even if said person was my best friend, allowed the idea of having sex with him to run even more rampant in my mind.

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