Page 7 of Diving In

Recently though, I’d caught myself feeling anxious about our relationship, feeling as if something were missing. While I hadn’t figured out what exactly that was, Ivy had confirmed that even she knew there was something off about us.

Things with Ian and I had begun shifting lately. He’d recently become obsessed with taking the next step, saying it’d always been his plan to be engaged and married by thirty-five. He started dropping little hints here and there. The idea of that type of commitment completely and utterly terrified me. Instead of excitement at a future together, I mostly just felt uneasy every time Ian tried to have any sort of serious talk with me. Namely, when he brought up the big “m” word.

After I finished the dishes, I made my way to the bathroom, a disheveled mess staring back at me in my reflection. My strawberry blonde hair was frizzy, residual mascara lingered on my cheeks, and my plump lips were stained purple from the wine. Desperately needing a shower, I turned on the water and let the steam fill the room.

By the time I heard Ian’s keys jingle in the door, I’d somehow managed to shower, pack, and put myself to bed. I was still awake when he found me in the bedroom, but I did my best to pretend I wasn’t. I didn’t want to talk, and if I was being honest, I was absolutely annoyed with the fact that he’d just gotten home.

Two hours after we’d talked.

Twohoursafter I’d told him my estranged father passed away.

His voice bounced around in my head, telling me he would do his best to get home soon, the anger in the pit of my belly steadily growing because his “best” fucking sucked.

He walked over to my side of the bed and sat down. “Hey, babe. When do we leave?” he nonchalantly asked while stroking my cheek.

I scoffed at his use ofwe. It had never even crossed my mind to have Ian make the trip to Sullivan’s Island with me, and with how things had played out tonight, I still had every intention of going alone.

Ivy would call this another red flag, and even I had to admit that she wasn’t wrong.

I pretended to wake up with a little jolt and responded, “Huh?”

“When do we leave?” he repeated.

“I only bought one ticket. I figured you were busy with work, and I’m only going to be gone for three days.”

Confused, he looked at me and said, “Are you sure you want to do this alone? I want to be there for you. I can work remotely for the next couple days while you get things sorted out.”

I could feel the redness firing into my cheeks as my annoyance grew at his sheer audacity. How is it that he could manage to take three days away from the office, but he couldn’t be bothered to leave a dinner due to an emergency? It seemed like his support only appeared when it was convenient for him, not when I actually fucking needed it.

I really didn’t want to argue, but I couldn’t help myself. I was frustrated as hell and the anger was boiling from the inside out.

“Am I sure? Yes, Ian. I’m absolutely sure that I don’t want you to come with me,” I replied, my tone stern, catching Ian off guard. His body tensed and the room seemed to shrink.

“Woah, G,” he said, putting his hands up. “I know today has been shitty, and I know you’re pissed that I didn’t come home sooner, but I tried, I promise. My client was persistent, and you know I’m doing everything I can to make partner.”

“That’s just it, Ian. Once again, making partner was more important than being there for me. I had just told you Jack died, for fuck’s sake, and itstillwasn’t enough to pull you away from work. Your job has and always will be your one true love. I’ll admit, I’ve been okay with that in the past, but tonight I realized that I want someone who is going to be there for me no questions asked,” I said.

“Do you even know how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am—” he started, his tone immediately shifting to defensive.

“I don’t care how hard you’ve worked, Ian.” I sat up, situating myself against the headboard. “That’s the whole fucking point. I understand the importance of your job and how much it means to you, but at the end of the day, it’s just a job. One that you’ve been handed on a silver platter because of who your father is, I might add. Then, the one night I neededto be your top priority, and you couldn’t even do that. And tonight made me realize I want to be someone’s priority. I deserve that much.”

“Georgia, where in the hell is this coming from?” He stood, angrier than before.

“Listen… It’s been a long day, Ian. I don’t have the energy for this right now.”

“Ha, a long day?” he scoffed. “You can’t just rip my fucking head off and then decide to be done and completely shut down.”

“Actually, I can I do whatever I want,” I said, burrowing underneath the blankets and rotating my body away from him.

“Are you fucking serious?” he asked.

I snapped my eyes shut, silently telling him I wasdead fucking serious.

I could hear Ian shuffling around the room as I laid there. Just like I tended to do after difficult or heated conversations, I ran through our interaction again, scouring for anything to cling to. The status of our relationship was teetering on the edge, and for the first time, I felt a flood of relief knowing that I was leaving tomorrow.

As with most things, I wanted to handle this on my own.

I preferred doing things by myself so that I never had to explain my emotions, my actions, or my decisions. I could soak in them or ignore them, but either way, I was the one in complete control over the situation.

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