Page 19 of Diving In

Heaving a deep breath and preparing myself for whatever I was about to read, I unfolded the envelope.

Dear Georgia,

I know you’re going to get mad at me for using your full name, but I never could get on board with “G.” It seemed too modest for someone as bold as you. Someone whose heart could fill an entire room just by standing in it.

I know we’ve been apart for some time now, but if you’re reading these letters, that means that the inevitable has happened. Death. Death is hard, and it’s especially hard when you’re unsure how to react to it, which I’m assuming is precisely how you’re feeling right now. You may be asking yourself if you should feel upset, relieved, or both. And honestly, I don’t care what you feel. I just want you to feel something.

Your mom and I had a way of concealing our feelings, burying them away until they couldn’t stay suppressed any longer. I don’t want that for you. I want you to feel everything, with every fiber of your being.

First, I want you to experience that rush of blood as you jump into the water, how the cold sends instant shivers down your spine while also making you feel incredibly alive. Now, hold on a second, because I know you’re shaking your head right now, but trust me on this one. Fletcher would want this, I promise. He wouldn’t want you to fear the unknown or let it hold you back from experiencing all the magic that this world has to offer. He’d want you to face your fears head on.

I’ll let you take it easy starting out… Head to the aquarium, but make sure you’re taking in all your surroundings—both above and below the water—on your way. Lean in to how it makes you feel—the good, the bad, and the scary.

Lastly, I’m sorry you and your mother had to find out about my death via a phone call, but I knew Cal would make sure you two got the news. And selfishly, I knew if he called your mother, she would know exactly what to say to get you down here. She always knew how to get her way.

And while there are a few things that need to be handled, my hope is that these letters will bring back pieces of you, Georgia. Pieces that have been lost for far too long.

I love you way past heaven,

Jack

P.S.: I know you blame me for your brother’s death, and to be honest, I still blame myself. But the truth is, nothing good every came from dwelling on the things you can’t control.

I tried to work through all the things that had been held within those pages, but I was stuck on one word.

Letters.

Did that mean there was more than one? The thought had the knot in my stomach doing jumping jacks.

Leaning over the balcony as the storm rumbled in, I couldn’t help but ruminate on how Jack said that Fletcher would want this. How dare him to say that? How dare him to bring Fletcher into this? Whatever this was, it was between him and me. And even though I shouldn’t be surprised that even now that he was gone, he was still somehow managing to live entirely by his own rules, it was really pissing me off. Reading this letter only reminded me of exactly why I could never forgive Jack, could never move past what had happened, and could never really see him as my dad again.

Reminding myself to breathe, I sucked in a few deep breaths and tried my best to start processing his requests. I couldn’t believe that Jack had asked Cal to call my mother to tell her that her ex-husband was dead but had some loose ends that needed to be handled, all so I could come here to go on some fucking scavenger hunt of letters to try and find my feelings? You had to be absolutely fucking kidding me.

I needed air, preferably some that wasn’t wrapped around Jack’s house, his smell, his everything. I threw on my sandals and took off toward the beach and the serenity it always promised.

While the water and I were on non-speaking terms, the beach and I had an ongoing love affair. As I made my way toward the sand, I was reminded that the beaches here were clean and pristine, like something out of a movie. The sand was velvet between my toes, and even with rain threatening to break through the clouds, the water still gleamed. A little spritz of salty ocean water landed on my face with every crash of a wave. The air felt clean, crisp, and was exactly what I needed to give myself a second to catch my breath.

I sat down, staring out into the unknown, taking in all the boats passing by the island. As I reminisced on the memories this island held, I couldn’t deny that I missed this place, no matter how hard I tried to push the feeling down. There was just something about the pace of life here, something so comforting in the slowness of it all.

“Oh my god, Georgia? Georgia Windsor?” a voice called out.

Looking up, I instantly recognized the girl standing in front of me. I swallowed past the lump in the back of my throat and gave her a once-over. “Blair…” I paused before finishing her name. “Blair Warner,” I choked out.

Blair was the prized mean girl growing up. As I stared at her now, I could almost hear her rigid voice, the same one she used to insult me all those years ago.

“Hello?” she asked in a way that made it clear I’d missed something.

“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked, trying to refrain from completely losing my shit on her.

“I said I’m so sorry about your dad.” Her tone was packed full of dramatics.

I was taken aback by the fact that she even knew about Jack, but I tried to ignore that. I stood up and managed to say, “Oh, thanks.”

As I finally got a chance to really look at her, she looked more or less the same, besides a few extra years under her belt. She was still pretty, even if she had definitely had some help from her plastic surgeon. Her eyes looked tired, but the rest of her face showed no emotion whatsoever. She stood a few inches taller than me, and even though I knew it was stupid, it instantly made me feel inferior.

“Cal told me about Jack… It’s just so awful what happened to him, but I can’t believe you actually came back… I never thought you would,” she said.

I was stuck on the first word she’d said:Cal.

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