Page 107 of One More Time

“Hm, I like your nuts though. I don’t want to hurt them.”

I rub at my lips as he looks down once more and says, “Bottom like you’re the geek and I’m the jock. Oh god,” he moans and adjusts himself. “Reenact a scene from my favorite movie in front of your roommates.” He lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, okay. I can do that. I can do all these things.”

“They seem trivial, don’t they?” I ask when the silence becomes slightly overwhelming.

“Yeah, they do. But I think it’s a start. I just…I missed you and I honestly don’t know how to get back to what we were,” Jude says and then removes the pillow from his lap and scoots a little closer to me, his legs bumping mine. “Can we maybe just talk for a while and then, I dunno…maybe we could kiss, if we feel like it?”

He looks shy and unsure, but I’ve never heard a more rational thing in my life, so I spread my arms open for him and pull him into me, relishing in the feel of him against me, the way he slowly opens up and talks about his parents, about his sister, about life growing up alone and afraid and then prompts me to do the same.

We talk until our voices grow hoarse, until the room grows dark with the setting sun, and then when we run out of words, our lips tentatively meet and we kiss.

And kiss.

We kiss until our lips are sore and our cheeks are abraded from the scruff scraping sensitive skin. We pull apart reluctantly, our bodies wanting to go further, but our hearts not letting us.

We’re still wounded, still recovering from the truths we revealed earlier. Still coming to terms with who we are to one another now that all the truths are laid bare.

“Want to stay the night?” Jude asks, and I nod, sliding under the covers and pulling him onto me.

“Yeah, I want nothing more.”

“I missed you so damn much,” he says, and I nod.

“Me too. I missed this.”

And that’s how I fall asleep.

With him in my arms.

The completion of the lists takes place over the next two weeks, and to be honest, it’s silly, the things we’ve asked each other to do, but it allows us to spend time together. I go with Jude to get his body waxed, feeling terrible as he gets the hair wrenched from his body, but then I love how smooth he is afterward. I cook him a five-course meal, wishing I could eat him instead, but neither of us has moved past kissing. I think we’re both slightly afraid of it, of what it could mean. We haven’t said it, but we are saving the nerd-jock roleplay for last. Just last week, Jude asked if he could add something to his list, and I agreed without finding out what it was, despite having just sung to him in public. I then found myself sitting for an eighties photoshoot with my saxophone the next day.

I’m gonna hang this up in my house so we can stare at it forever.

The fact that he is planning a future with me in it makes me feel so much better. It makes me feel hopeful.

“I do love you in a toga,” Jude says as I hand him another grape and watch as he munches on it. We’re at my place and he’s lounging on the couch, looking every bit as regal as he can. And my dick is hard and straining up from the fabric trying to contain it. It’s fruitless though. I haven’t had him in what feelslike forever and my body is starting to spiral out of control. Just last night, I came in my sleep, an unbidden and natural response to going without for so long.

He’d teased me about it when he woke up sticky from my release.

But neither of us has moved past kissing and that’s okay. I don’t know if either of us is ready for more. Not when things still feel raw.

But over these two weeks, I feel like I’ve gotten to know him better. I mean, I knew him, but now Iknowhim. I understand him on an even deeper level, and I think the same goes for him. We spend hours just talking about our pasts, about our passions, and about our families.

I even FaceTimed with my parents so he could meet them.

I didn’t introduce him as my boyfriend because I wasn’t sure if that’s what he wanted to be called, but fuck, I wanted to just label it. But while they were chattering to him, I bit my tongue and told them he was special to me. That he wassomeoneto me. I won’t ever tell them what he did to me all those years ago. That’s for me and me only. It’s something I know he’s deeply ashamed of and not something I need to parade around.

“Alec,” Jude asks around a grape. “Why didn’t you tell your parents I was your boyfriend?”

He looks a little sullen, but more thoughtful than anything. He’s not mad about it, which makes me feel a little worse than I probably should.

I stop rubbing his feet and shrug. “Didn’t know if you wanted to label it.”

“Oh, well, I mean, we’re exclusive, right? What if I want to have a label with you?” he asks and then looks a little embarrassed about saying that.

I feel my heart jump in my chest. “Oh? You want to label this?”

“Um, yeah. I really think I do.”

---