Page 26 of Before the Chaos

“I—what? You jealous, Madness?” I grin despite myself. For some reason it amuses me. That this perfect fucking woman would be jealous over me—a fucking train wreck of bad decisions.

“Maybe.”

“You like me,” I say it out loud without thinking because the realization hits me like a ton of bricks.

“The way you are with me… No guy has ever treated me like you do. Like I matter. Like you care what I think and what I like. You make me laugh, and you make me come. You make me feel… everything, really. And I can’t believe you hide it all like you do.”

“Hide it all? I’m not hiding.”

“You are. Pretending like you’re not all the things Xander is. You’re more.” She whispers it in the darkness, and her hand goes to my heart, pressing her palm against my chest. It breaks something inside me that she thinks I’m such a good person. Especially when she’s the last person who should think so.

“If I was more, I wouldn’t have touched you in the first place. I fucking took advantage of you wanting help. Put my hands all over you.” I brush her hair back and run my fingers down her throat and over her clavicle.

“Took advantage of me…” She laughs and rolls her eyes. “I might not have a lot of experience, but I’m not naïve. I wanted you to touch me.”

“Then why everything about Xander?” I frown at her bemused expression.

“Easier to say that it was all about him than admit the truth. And when you were asking what I liked… you were also busy telling me all the things you like.”

“Oh yeah?” I raise a brow.

“Yes. You like it when I run my nails over your skin. You like hearing me tell you how good you are. I’d joke that last part is about your ego, but I think you just haven’t heard it enough to really believe it.”

“Hearing it from you makes it feel real.” I confess.

“Because it is. We are. I think.”

Somehow her hand is through my chest, wrapped around my heart and I belong to her with just those few words. I’m gone. I’m hers.

11

Madison

His lips crash downon mine a moment later—the kind of kiss he’s withheld from me before now. One that feels like he’s worshipping me and devouring me in equal measure, and I want all of it. All of him.

His hands roam over my body, and I wrap a leg around his and my arms around his neck. I could care less about Xander or my brother or anyone that isn’t Quentin. Because I’ve never felt the way I do with him. This sort of ache that melts through every inch of me. The way thoughts of him eat up every single moment of my day. How I crave every touch he’ll give me. Whatever crush I had on Xander seems childish in comparison.

When he comes up for air, he buries his face against the crook of my neck with gentle intermittent kisses, and I can tell his mind is whirring with conflicted thoughts.

“I want you.” I repeat the confession because I want him to know how true it is.

“You were drinking tonight,” he argues.

“I had a beer. Nothing mind-altering.” I huff in return.

“Fuck…” He groans and rolls off me, landing beside me on the narrow bed. “I want you Madison, but…”

I feel my heart sink.

“But what?”

“You waited this long for the right guy. What we did before is one thing, but this…”

“It doesn’t matter that I think you’re the right guy. I’m not allowed to decide that for myself?”

“You are.” He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “This is what you want? Really?” He opens his eyes then and looks into mine. There’s a seriousness there I can’t miss. “To get it out of the way, so you can be free not to worry about it when you go on your trip?” I realize he’s feeling vulnerable too. That this whole feelings thing might really be running both ways. My stomach tumbles with butterflies.

“No,” I answer because now it’s time to admit the truth. I don’t want to do this without him knowing why. “That part’s changed.”

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