Page 47 of Bloody Tainted Lies

I can’t believe I let Nikolai do that to me on the stage. That I let him take me that way in a public place. I’m ashamed I willingly gave him everything. My heart poured out of me and spilled onto the floor the same way as my words, my traitorous mouth moaning his name. Yet I kept doing it, over and over, as if I couldn’t stop. Because Icouldn’t. He took a part of me that day that I don’t think he’ll ever return, not willingly anyway. I saw the way he looked at me, his cold silver eyes finally had some warmth in them as he watched me dance, and when I was doing pirouettes while holding on to his hand I could tell he wanted me more than he let on.

All of that was confirmed the moment he ate me for breakfast on the stage floor, even caring about the fact that I was cold and keeping me off the ground as much as possible. I wanted him then; I would’ve let him do anything to me. I was ready to. This doesn’t feel like revenge anymore; it feels a little too real, and I don’t like it.

Why am I so weak?

I’m going to tell Leo I’m no longer doing this, that if he wants the advantage and to get rid of him, he will have to do it alone. I can’t continue this game without my heart getting run over by a semi-truck, then processed like meat. It’s already in shambles, confused over the way Nikolai treats me. He treats me as if I’m made of glass and I could break at any moment, like he wants to treasure me yet crush me at the same time. I’ve never been treated that way before. Although it’s subtle, it was evident when he took me to the beach and looked at me with soft eyes, then equally lustful ones.

He still cares for me.

My parents nod at my apology and I head out of the room, making my way across the venue to greet the guests. Unfortunately, that includes Leo as well. My mother clearly organized the event, making everything grand and gorgeous. It looks like a wedding instead of an engagement party, and it suffocates me. I don’t want this at all, and they’re force-feeding it to me, shoving it down my throat until I choke on it and aspirate.

The round tables have white tablecloths draped over them with tall vases full of white peonies. Elegant wooden chairs are taken up by guests laughing and smiling as if this is the best party they’ve been to, which might be true if my mom has anything to do with it. Greenery and more white flowers hang from the ceiling, and at the other end of the gorgeous room, an open bar and servers are passing hors d’oeuvres.

Thank God there’s no dinner tonight.

I find a beaming Leonardo speaking with a guest, and when his eyes meet mine, his grin is so wide it stabs in the chest like a knife and twists until I’m out of breath. See? Now I feel like shit. He’s happy to be marrying me in a year while I’m here thinking of Nikolai, the man who hurt—no, killed—my brother. Instead of having the attitude I promised myself I would, I beam at him like Christmas lights. Even if I am putting up a front, pretending.

Walking to his side, I stop right next to him. He smiles and pulls me in by the waist, and I immediately tense against him. This is going to suck.

“Mr. Hughes,” he tells the man. “Meet my future wife, Camilla.”

“Would you look at that?” The man smiles. “Just gorgeous.”

I smile shyly and look up at Leo, who’s looking at me like I hung the stars in his sky. “Yes, she is.”

“Thank you, sir,” I murmur.

Leo’s hand pulls me closer, his touch possessive, and I smile even wider at him. A sarcastic smile. AnI’m going to kill yousmile.

“I’ll leave you love birds to your party, then.” Mr. Hughes walks away, leaving us alone.

“I’m starving,tesoro mio. How about I eat you for dinner?”

I laugh at his words. “In your dreams,” I tell him and his eyes twinkle. “We have to enjoy the party, socialize, and dance, remember?”

“You’re right. I’ll come home with you tonight.”

A shiver courses down my spine, but I somehow manage to keep my smile in place. If he notices something amiss, he doesn’t say it. I bet if he comes home, Nikolai will probably show up and stir the pot some more. Not that it would bother Leo since he wants him to be jealous, but I’m sure he’d be annoyed to be cock blocked. Maybe I want that, though.

I fuckingmissNikolai.

“No, thanks,” I tell him, and we go join the party.

We spend an hour dancing together, and that’s one of the things I genuinely love about Leo: he can really dance. He’s truly a lot of fun when he’s not being a twat, and if he was like this more often I’d actually be in a relationship with him.

But this engagement?

No matter how much fun we have tonight, how good he fucks me, or how nice he is to me—it doesn’t mean shit. This is an arrangement, and until I’ve signed the papers, we have no commitment. It’s that simple. If it bothers my family, they can kill me. It’s whatever at this point.

I take a couple of drinks and socialize with him—another thing he’s great at because he has to be—then we finally sit down at a long rectangular table meant for us and our parents. There’s a floral garland draped across the table and it reaches all the way down to the floor on each side. Again, peonies, my favorite flowers. I wonder who suggested that. Was it Leo or my mother?

The need to bump a line takes over and I stiffen. My purse is in the bridal room, so I’d have to go there to get my fix. I’m just fucking stressed. I look at Leo and cup his cheek gently, “I’ll be right back, I have to use the ladies’ room.”

“Go ahead,tesoro mio, I’ll be here waiting for you.”

I smile and nod, getting up from the table and walking to the bridal suite in what I attempt to make normal strides. I don’t want to look desperate, or like I’m going there purposefully. I just have to use the bathroom, that’s it. Can’t go looking like I’m hungry for something.

Once in the suite, I walk over to my purse. The silence is deafening as I take out the little Ziplock bag of coke and dump some on the counter. I grab my debit card and line up the snow, then snort the first line. No straw this time, but I can always clean up the mess either way.

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