Page 10 of You Are Not Me

I wasn’t accustomed to being in front of the lens. I fought my instinct to tense up.

“C’mon, give me a smile?” Daniel prodded.

“I usually encourage my subjects to remain as natural as possible.” I hated fake smiles more than almost anything else in the world. At least when it came to photographs.

Daniel aimed the camera at me again. “But I like your smile.”

Pleased, a smile spread across my face helplessly. He’d gotten what he wanted without even trying.

“Wow.” Daniel pressed the shutter twice again. “Just as sweet as the first time I saw it back at Robert’s house.”

Sweet.There was that word again. What was it with that word and me? Normally I’d be annoyed, but Daniel saying it sent me reeling. My smile grew.

Daniel took another picture.

“I, uh, like your smile too,” I mumbled, heat rushing up my neck.

“My orthodontist deserves all the praise. I was snaggletoothed as a kid.”

After handing the camera back, Daniel stuck to pointing out interesting items on the path, or waiting quietly while I lined up shots and angles. Thoughts of the future and past vanished. I took pictures and he walked, talked, and breathed next to me.

We chatted quietly, but didn’t touch on anything important. He didn’t mention that I was out of high school now or ask if I still had a boyfriend. I didn’t question him about his life, or ask how his architectural studies were going, or if I’d see him around Robert and Barry’s place. We definitely didn’t broach the topic of his interest in me and mine in him.

We walked together, enjoying the lowering night. Living in the moment.

When I dropped him off back by his car, Daniel turned to me for a long moment. His lips turned up in a soft, closed-mouthed smile. His brown eyes were the same color as the faded leaves back on the path. I leaned in a little, breathless hope dangling in the air. His mouth opened—

“See you around, Peter.”

I swallowed back my disappointment. Near kisses were becoming a habit with us. Or maybe just with me. Maybe Daniel didn’t want to kiss me anymore.

I forced a smile. “Yeah, see you.”

Daniel slid out of my car and climbed into his own before I could ask him when, where, and how “seeing me around” was going to happen.

My chest tightened as I watched him pull away in Betty Blue. I followed his car out onto Northshore thinking I should have asked for his number. I should have given him mine.

With my foot heavy on the gas, I steered homewards, my veins singing with each pump of my heart. No matter what, I’d see Daniel again this summer. I’d find a way.

And even if I didn’t, the world would.

For some reason, I had no doubt about that.

Chapter Two

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The next daythe afternoon sun shone through the large windows of Robert’s living room. It warmed the sides of our faces as he rewound a tape of his drag queen alter-ego’s latest performance. For the last hour, he’d been searching for, and failing to find, a way to improve Renée’s presentation.

Sinking down into the cushions of his living room couch, I sipped my beer and plucked at the loose threads of my cut-off khaki shorts. I’d taken scissors to a few pairs of my Kingsley uniform pants and decided I was set for summer. Robert, however, disagreed. He’d almost swooned in horror when I’d first arrived in them and a faded Cookie Monster T-shirt I’d had since I was twelve.

For his part, Robert wore a pair of beige linen pants that remained magically unwrinkled and a collarless, mint-green linen top. I didn’t think I’d ever be comfortable in the clothes Robert chose for himself. I did enjoy his sense of fun and his variety of styles though. Some days he was as prim as a schoolteacher, and other days he flamed it up with scarves and jewelry. For myself, I preferred T-shirts and plain pants or shorts. Anything else felt unnatural to me.

“Damn, I’m good,” Robert said, tilting his head and staring at the TV, studying his moves.

I murmured my agreement and snuggled deeper into the sofa. I’d had trouble sleeping the night before, and my eyelids drooped. I tried to pay attention, but we’d watched this segment three times already. I was impressed with Robert’s work ethic, but his perfectionism and my insomnia were a soporific combination.

I snorted.Look at me using my SAT words like a good little private school graduate. Dr. Landry would be so proud.

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