Page 2 of Losing Ansley

"You wouldn't know what to do if I spanked you," He replies. My tongue darts out to wet my lips, and his eyes follow the movement.

"Nothing's stopping you," I taunt him. He blinks, and the connection is broken. I sigh as he walks backward until he's leaning against his dresser.

"Are you okay?" He inquires, and I shrug as I glance out his window toward the house that now belongs to Dylan. I have nothing. Nothing.

"It doesn't feel real." I look back at him, and he crosses his arms over his chest as he waits for me to explain. He and Dylan were supposed to be apartment hunting this week, but that's not happening now. They both have houses that have been left to them.

On the other hand, I had nothing left to me, not even the fucking car. Although Dylan said I could have it since I'm the one that's always wanted it. Lincoln pushes off the dresser and crosses his room, sitting beside me on the bed.

"Ans?" Lincoln knows. He understands the hell I've lived in since that day. I was five years old! How was it my fault? Dylan refused to acknowledge it until the lawyers showed up, and the will was read two days ago. Somehow it was mine and Lincoln's fault. The perfect life our parents had planned out derailed.

"I don't know what I did, Lincoln. Other than survive." He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him.

"They were assholes." I huff and lean into him, allowing his warmth and smell to seep into me. His parents left him the house, but I'm assuming it's because they couldn't leave it to anyone else. If they donated it, it would have sullied how their family looks, and god forbid anyone on the outside be aware of what was happening inside.

"If only she had lived." I start to say, but stop because I don't want to upset him. He pulls me closer and rests his chin on top of my head.

"I know." He whispers. This one thing brought Lincoln and me together because we both experienced the wrath of our parents. Because he wasn’t able to pull a miracle out of his ass by saving his sister and me and because I lived and she didn't.

"I wish I had died," I admit. It's the first time I've ever said it aloud. Lincoln immediately pulls away and grabs me under my arms, pulling me into his lap. His finger and thumb gripping my chin.

"Don't you ever say that again. Ever!" He exclaims as he rests his forehead against mine. I wish he would see me as more than just his best friend's little sister. More than someone he feels this need to protect. I swallow as our eyes connect.

"It was your sister. Don't you wish she would have survived instead?" He shakes his head and moves his hand to wrap around the back of my neck.

"Don't do that, Ans. Do I wish she had survived? Yes. If I had it my way, there wouldn't be an either-or. You'd both be here, and our lives would have turned out differently. But the thought of it being you. I can't. I can't think about that." I put my hands on either side of his neck and suck in a breath.

"Are you okay?" I ask him. His parents died too. He was just as stoic as Dylan was at the funeral today. He only showed any emotion when he wrapped his arm around me to show some support. He scoffs.

"Yeah. I'm just as relieved as you. I don't have to listen to my mom's constant guilt trips or hear my dad telling me what I should have done differently. Or any other shit I've dealt with for the past thirteen years." He closes his eyes and releases a long breath.

"You're the only person who knows everything and understands," I whisper. His hand wraps around my waist as he pulls me closer to him, and I stop breathing. I don't want the connection to break again. I want him to kiss me. I want him to do more than that, but we all have to start somewhere.

"I'll be here for you always, Ans." Without thinking, I close my eyes and lean in, taking matters into my own hands. If he's not going to act on this, I will. But my lips don't land on his; they land on his cheek. He turned his head. I lean back, and he faces me again. I scramble off his lap.

"Sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." I head toward his window. Why I'm still climbing in and out of his window is beyond me. His fucking parents aren't alive anymore to stop me from coming into their house. Old habits die hard, I guess.

"Ansley!" He calls out to me, but I'm pushing his window open and trying to climb out. Before I can get one leg out, he grabs me and pulls me around to face him. "Stop!"

"You don't want me. It's fine."It's not fine.I try to pull out of his grip again, but he pulls me to him and holds me tight.

"Ansley, you have no idea. None." I don't return his embrace. I keep my arms at my side because if I touch him, I'll try again.

"Lincoln, let me go." He immediately releases me and begins pacing, running his hand through his dark brown hair.

"I made a promise to your brother. I'm not going to break it." I stare at him. I have no idea what he's talking about.

"What promise? What the hell are you talking about?" He stops in front of me, but instead of looking at me, he tilts his head back and looks up at the ceiling.

"I promised him when you were born I would always protect you, and I'd never kiss you." I stare at him as he finally looks at me. Squinting my eyes, I put my hand on my hip.

"You promised my brother you'd always protect me and never kiss me?" I implore, and he nods. I think back to that day.

"Is that why you saved me?" I ask him gently, and he shakes his head.

"She was already…." He trails off. "I tried. God, I tried." He agonizes, and my heart breaks for him. I can't imagine what it was like for him to lose his baby sister. I move past that because talking about it bothers him so much, and I never want to hurt him, even if his words hurt me.

"And you promised you'd never kiss me. You were like six, right?" I roll my eyes.

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