Page 95 of Skin Deep

Leo shoved him away. “There’s radio silence for a reason. Quit crowding me.” He swore in Spanish. “Why the fuck am I on babysitting duty?”

“Back off, Xavier, or you’ll have to go wait at Base One,” I said, using the terminology Boone and his guys had.

We were at Base Two, which was nothing more than a van sitting in a secluded spot at the edge of the property. Base One was back a safe distance away where all the rest of the civilians were waiting, far out of harm’s way.

Initially, I hadn’t even wanted Xavier to come to Base Two with us. He was supposed to be back from the fire with Xander and Theo. But when he’d met Leo and heard about all the gadgets he’d be using to track the operation’s success, Xavier had insisted that he come. At least he’d agreed to wear body armor and a helmet, even if both were too big for him.

I tugged at the Kevlar vest I had on over my clothes and glanced at Pax. Sweat glistened on his forehead and his arms beneath the Kevlar vest. “You okay?”

“Ready for this to be over,” he said. “You?”

I turned away, thumbing the gun resting in its holster at my side. I hated guns, but Boone was right. It’d be stupid to go into this armed with knives. By the time we came in, most of the fighting was supposed to be done. Boone and his team had gone on ahead to clear the way. He had dogs to track down any stragglers and two snipers positioned to take out the guards. He’d offered to have his best marksman, a former CIA agent who went by Gucci, take Sergei out with a single shot, but I’d declined. I wanted to be there to see the light go out of his eyes when Pax killed him.

“Hey.” Pax touched my chin, bringing my attention back to him. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re almost done.”

And then what?The question had been on the tip of my tongue all day. Pax seemed so sure about the answer. We’d date. Go to work. Get married. Move on. Live our lives. I was having trouble wrapping my head around a life that included being responsible for children, even if that was what I wanted. Before, it had seemed like a dream that would never happen, and now that everything I wanted was right in front of me, I didn’t know what to do.

River looked up from the gun he held and met my eyes. He glanced at Pax and then back at me. “I need some air,” he said.

Leo frowned and finally stopped tapping his pen. “Go in pairs.”

“I’ll go,” I volunteered and kissed Pax on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

I slid out of the van and stretched, my back popping in three places. Trees leaned over us, crowding the space. We were there under the cover of darkness, but it was especially dark considering it was the night of the new moon. The heat wave had finally let up, meaning the air was less oppressive than normal and almost bearable.

I peered up at the stars obscured by leaves and branches. “How do you do it, River?”

“Do what?” he asked, fixing his intense stare on me.

“Theo. The weight of that responsibility, of knowing he could get hurt because of you. That he was brought into this family and exposed to all this. Doesn’t that bother you?”

He was quiet for a long moment, considering. “It does,” he said eventually.

I frowned at my brother. “How do you cope with it?”

River shrugged. “Mostly by threatening to kill anyone who means him harm, and then by doing it.”

I sighed and leaned back against the van.

River stepped forward, arching an eyebrow. “You must be desperate if you’re coming to me for relationship advice.”

“It’s not advice I need,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t know who else to talk to about this.”

He frowned. “Why do we have to talk about it at all?”

I shrugged. The truth was, I just wanted someone to vent to about everything. Someone who might understand the second thoughts, the worry, the fear of what was to come. That someone wasn’t going to be River. His relationship with Theo was different from the one I had with Pax in almost every way. Most of the time, Theo almost seemed like a passive participant in their relationship, completely content to let River take the lead and do as he pleased. Pax and I were more like partners, each with an equal stake in everything. He was the fire to the ice in my veins, the antidote to my poison. Paxton was my inverse, and yet he was everything I needed to be complete.

So why was I so damn unsure about everything suddenly?

I looked over at River. “Back when you were still going after Theo’s master, did you ever doubt that he’d want you after it was done?”

“There was a moment,” River admitted with a slight nod. “I was worried he wouldn’t need me anymore, but he needs me more now than ever. Once it was over, he had to come to terms with everything that happened to him. He still is. He’ll be healing for the rest of his life. I can’t help him with that, but I can provide all the space he needs. I can feed him, clothe him, take care of him. In return, he gives himself to me. It’ll be the same with you and Paxton. Once this is all over, you’ll both need to heal from all the wounds that got ripped open, just like Theo. There’ll be scars for you, just like there are for him, but if Pax is any good, he’ll be there to take care of you through it all. And if not…” He clenched his jaw, the promise of violence evident in his eyes. “I get dibs on killing him.”

I couldn’t help but smile. River’s possessive, violent streak was oddly comforting. It was good to know my brothers had my back, even if I didn’t think I’d need them in this case. He was right. Pax was good for me. He’d been taking care of me ever since the night we met, giving me exactly what I needed when I needed it, even if I hadn’t known it at the time.

“Shepherd already has dibs,” I said, checking the gun.

“Speaking of Shepherd, have you heard from him since yesterday?” River eyed me.

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