Page 20 of Asher

Over time, it became easier, but I didn’t think the hurt would ever really go away. Carrie was my best friend. My first love. My first heartbreak.

I had a hard time letting go of the what ifs.

What if she would’ve survived? Would I have been able to move on faster? Would it have been easier? Would we have gotten back together? Would we have made it work? Would she accept Haley as Nix’s stepmom?

We weren’t together when Nix was born, but that didn’t make me feel any less guilty for trying to move on. It’s probably the main reason I haven’t, aside from the fact that the one girl I want might not want me back.

Fuck, I sound like pussy.

Mason broke the silence. “Stare any harder. She might disappear.”

I didn’t have to ask if he was talking about Haley, just like he didn’t have to question who I was staring at. I sighed, curling my fingers harder around the glass bottle. “She might disappear anyway.” Mason tipped his head to the side and waited for me to continue. “I fucked up.”

“You always fuck up.”

I scowled at him. “Piss off.”

His brows shot up to his hairline. “Damn. More grumpy than normal. What’s going on?”

“She’s avoiding me.” I took a big swig of my beer, hating how much it bothered me to admit it.

“Hasn’t she been out of town?”

I watched as Nix jumped from the swing and pulled Haley to dance in the yard. Hundreds of bubbles floated around them, and my heart ached at the love in Haley’s expression as she danced with my daughter. I tore my eyes away. “Yes, but it’s more than that. She barely responded to my messages. She turned down pizza tonight.” Something she never did. No matter how awkward things got between us in the past, she never stopped showing up. Even after she kissed me the first time.

After I fucked up and said I wasn’t in love with her.

She always showed up.

Mason might be right. I did always fuck up.

“She could just be tired from working and traveling,” he suggested.

I shook my head. Pulling the hair tie from my hair, I ran my hands through it before putting it back up into a bun. A nervous trait I’ve developed since growing it out. “No. It’s more than that.”

“Okay.” Mason turned to give me his full attention. “Then tell me what happened?”

My fingers flexed as I remembered her mouth on mine. My hands on her waist. How perfect it felt.How right.“We kissed after the wedding.”

“You and Haley?” Mason asked, surprised.

“No, me and Bennett.” I rolled my eyes. “Who else would I fucking kiss?”

He smirked. The thing about Mason was, even though I told him I wasn’t in love with Haley, that I couldn’t be, he knew. He knew she meant something to me. “‘Bout damn time.”

I clenched my jaw. “Yeah, well, she probably wants to kill me.”

“Why? I know for a fact that she’s practically in love with you,” he said, like it was common-fucking-knowledge.

I choked on my beer. “What?” My heart kicked in my chest.

Mason slapped me on the back. “Oh, don’t act so surprised. You know she does.” I wanted to tug on my hair again.I didn’t know.She never acted on it. Aside from the one kiss, which was an accident because we both turned our heads the same way, she never did anything physical.

Never made a move or a declaration of love.

Sure, we both sat close to each other on the couch. We both always lingered a little too long when we said goodbye, butfuck.Did she really feel the same as me?

My pulse sped up.

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