Page 34 of Camden

The talk made me feel slightly less paranoid that he’d hit on another girl. One willing to give him a chance right then and there. A girl that wasn’t as damaged as me. Of course, I did the affirmations my therapist suggested.

I am enough.

I am worth more than I give myself credit for.

I am strong.

It helped. It normally did, but it was still rough. When I woke up, I refused to look at my phone. Now, it was almost eleven in the morning and I needed to go grocery shopping, which meant I really needed to grab my phone in case something happened on the way to the store. Or on the way home. Or hell, evenatthe grocery store. The point being I needed to grab my phone, but I knew as soon as I did, I would break and look to see if Cam called me.

Or texted me.

God knew he didn’t send a damn carrier pigeon because it would’ve been here by now. What would be worse than not getting a text would be if he did text me and told me he was no longer interested.

I walked back into the bedroom, sitting on the worn, dark plum comforter I stole from Rylie. It had become my comfort blanket more times than I could count. I pulled on my tennis shoes. Leaning over, I gathered my hair and pulled the dark strands into a ponytail. Having the blonde for almost a year made me forget what I looked like with dark hair.

I checked my reflection in the floor-length mirror that was propped against the opposite wall to make sure I didn’t look too homeless. I grabbed my crossbody bag off the dresser and slid on my mother’s ring. It was a simple silver band with three small diamonds. The only piece of jewelry I ever wore because it was the only one I had left of my mothers.

When she passed, I picked one to keep, and my brother and I sold almost everything else of value to pay for their funerals. Not that they had much. We didn’t have much growing up, but they loved us, which is more than I could’ve asked for. It didn’t help when they passed and they had no life insurance policies to speak of. At least none we’d found.

After I’d done everything I could think of to avoid grabbing my phone, I walked over, picked it up, and dropped it in the bag before I could be tempted to look at the screen or the messages.

I knew I had some sort of message because the little blue blinking light in the top left-hand corner flashed brightly all morning. If Camden hadn’t texted me, Rylie would have, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she recruited Haley. I snatched my keys off of the hook by the door and drove to the grocery store, completely tempted to stop and get coffee, but I didn’t want to risk running into Stacey, let alone Cam. Mentally, I added a coffee pot to my list. One that made single cups. Making a full pot would be a waste of time and money.

I rolled down the windows on the way to the store. Wind while I drove strangely calmed me. I pulled into the mostly full parking lot, looking for anyone’s vehicle I might know. A bad habit I formed back in my previous life when I didn’t want to run into anyone that might see what I hid. I didn’t want anyone to see how bad the abuse had become. I didn’t know why I still had the urge to do it. It’s not like I knew a ton of people in Sweet Springs. Even after a year, just a handful, but I looked around the parking lot, anyway.

Pulling my keys from the ignition, I tucked them into my crossbody and went into the store. It wasn’t terribly busy for a Sunday, but a few customers were wandering around the aisles. Some were dressed as if they had just left church and others were dressed more like me. A pair of workout shorts and a blue tank top with a stethoscope in the shape of a heart across my chest.

Turning the corner of the cereal aisle, I focused more attention on the coco-puffs than my surroundings and I slammed into another cart, jostling myself backward. I’d be surprised if I didn’t have a bruise on my stomach from the force. “Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry.” I pulled my cart back before my eyes traveled to the poor person I rammed into.

“Stephanie.” My name sounded like a sigh of relief as my eyes connected with his dark blue ones. Camden moved to step around the cart, but I pulled mine back and scurried away. I couldn’t face him. I couldn’t even face his messages. I wouldn’t be able to resist his crooked smile. “Stephanie,” he said again, louder this time, before placing his hand on the cart next to mine. I stared at the two next to each other. Mine looked stupidly small next to his large one. His hard chest pressed against my back and his warm breath fluttered across my neck. It felt strangely intimate for a grocery store.

“I’ve been trying to get hold of you. Did you get any of my messages?” he asked, and I shrugged, not saying anything. Cam stepped to the side so I could see him more clearly. “You didn’t read them?” His hair was unruly and small bags lined his lower eyelids.

“You look tired,” I replied instead of answering.

Cam ran a hand through his hair down to the back of his neck, leaving it even more unruly. My hand twitched with the urge to reach up and smooth it back down. Or tug on it.Either way.I took my eyes off his hair and saw his crooked smile. The one that melted my heart. “I am tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

My stomach curled. “I see.”

He locked on my face, holding me captive. “Do you?”

“I’m sure whoever she was had fun.” I broke the trance and pretended to examine the end cap of snack-sized cakes.

He growled, frustrated. “Stephanie. I didn’t sleep with anyone.”

“Right.”

“I’m serious. I didn’t get much sleep because I was concerned that you had the wrong idea. Which you clearly do,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You don’t have to explain it to me. You were out at a bar and you met someone. I get it.” God, even I was annoying myself. I needed to snap out of the self-pity shit. I was better than that.

“I didn’t meet anyone,” he said again.

“Okay.”

“I’m serious. Can I please explain?”

“I don’t know.” I resisted the urge to chew on my nail.

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