Page 122 of Bite the Bullet

“Without it?—”

“The answer is no.”

“No one would think less of you.”

“It’s not about them,” I admitted. “It’s about me. I need to know that I’m strong enough to fight this.”

“It could kill you.”

I didn’t want to tell her that if I couldn’t fight it off, then I didn’t deserve to live. She’d think I belonged in a straight jacket. For me, this was personal. “Kate, I’ve gone my whole life fighting demons from my past. And I never really win. I need this right now. I need to know that I can fight this and still come out stronger on the other side. Something has to?—”

“You need a win,” she surmised.

It wasn’t as simple as that, but it summed it up better than I could explain it.

“It’s going to be very hard. You’re going to beg for drugs before it’s over, and you’ll probably have a few major headaches that may even make you pass out. There’s going to be a lot of vomiting and probably lots of shitting.”

“Sounds like a party.”

“It’s going to get very ugly. But if you survive all that, I think you’ll be just fine.”

“What about the neurological problems?”

“I would definitely see a neurologist when you get home. If you think you feel like shit now, just think about what you’re going to be feeling in a year. I’m guessing you’re still going to be fighting the headaches.”

“Not sure it’s worth it,” I mumbled to myself.

“It is if you have someone worth fighting for,” she said, clasping my hand. “And I think we both know that you do.”

“I can’t imagine anyone wanting me like this.”

“I’m sure she’s thought the same thing a time or two. And I speak from experience when I say it’s the challenges in life we face that show our true strength. No sane woman would ever walk away from a man who fought as much as you have. You just have to believe in yourself and what you have to offer.”

I wasn’t sure there was a damn thing I could offer Sky and Parker. I was a fucked up mess with so many problems, I’m not sure even a therapist could wade through my head and come out with an answer. But as Kate walked out and Sky slipped inside, looking at me with those big blue eyes that were so full of life and fire, I knew I could be as strong as her and fight for whatever the future might hold.

33

SKYLAR

“If I had knownyou were coming, I would have worn the boots you gave me,” Fox said to Knight, grinning at him in some love-struck way that had me questioning everything about him.

“Again, I didn’t give them to you. You took them.”

“Because you gave them to me,” Fox nodded. “It was a special moment.”

“You were wearing my shoes while I was passed out,” Knight grumbled.

“Only to feel what it was like to walk in your shoes. And hey! Now, I don’t need to do that because I literally walk in your shoes almost every day. Well, aside from right now. See, I didn’t wear them because they’re my good boots. I wasn’t sure what we’d be getting into out here. I couldn’t risk someone stealing them off my feet if I somehow ended up dead.”

I busied myself making coffee as I waited for Kate to finish up with Jack. I wanted to be in there, but he wasn’t my husband or even my boyfriend. I had no right to push inside.

“Why would you end up dead? You’re a trained killer,” Knight snapped.

“Well, because I took a vow to stop killing.”

That got my attention, as well as Knight’s. “And how’s that working out for you?”

“Great!” Fox beamed. “Since I’ve made the decision to give it up, it’s like this whole other area of my brain has opened up, leaving me with all these…happy feelings. It’s quite intoxicating.”

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