Page 90 of If You Fight

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Ryder

The house felt eerily quiet, and as I walked through the front door, all I wanted was for this night to be over. If I could just lose myself in enough whisky to dull my senses and the feel of Serena next to me, I could make it to tomorrow.

That’s all I tried to do each night. Sometimes the demons that haunted me hid, chased away by alcohol and Serena’s arms around me so I fell asleep and didn’t have nightmares of Justin’s face as he lay there on the ground, beaten senseless by my hands.

Other times, the ugliness of that night refused to let me be, and I sat awake staring at the TV watching B movies and infomercials as I prayed to God to keep my hands off the gun never far from my side. All that kept me from blowing my head off lay in the bed next to me, that gentle creature who knew nothing of who the man beside her really was.

Sometimes I’d look over at her and think about all those dreams we had. Then I’d cup my hand over her pregnant belly and the regret I felt nearly overwhelmed me. All I’d wanted was to get Serena and the baby away from Robert and his world, but now all that was just what it had always been.

Dreams.

I’d thought fighting would get us to that place we dreamed of, but now that was gone too.

I stopped at the Robert’s office door and looked in to see him standing in front of me. His eyes stared out at me with a hollow look I knew meant nothing good.

“Did you take care of everything?” he asked in a tone that said he didn’t think I’d done exactly what he ordered me to.

“Yeah. Where is everyone? I saw Jesse leaving as I drove in,” I said as I looked around the office and found no one.

Robert grinned and turned to walk back to his chair behind his desk. “I sent him on an errand. I would have sent you to do it, but I didn’t think you were up to it. Come in and sit down. I want to talk to you.”

“Can this wait, Robert? I’m tired. I just want to go home and see Serena,” I said as I moved to leave.

“I want you to know I was happy to pay for that fighter’s hospital bills. He’ll be taken care of for the rest of his life. Not that he needs it. I mean, he’s back to fighting, for God’s sake. But that’s neither here nor there, I guess.”

As much as I didn’t want to talk about that horrible night, I knew my role at the moment. “Thanks. I appreciate it. I have to go see Serena.”

“She’s not here, Ryder. She left a little while ago.”

Serena would only leave for one person other than me. But if she left, that meant Alita called and…

“Why would she go out so late at night?” I asked as I walked toward him, stopping at the corner of his desk.

“She’s almost due, isn’t she? Just another few weeks and we’ll have a baby on the estate again,” he said almost wistfully, like he looked forward to his first grandchild’s arrival. “I was thinking that you and Serena will move back into the main house here when he or she comes. You can have Serena’s old room, and we’ll change Janelle’s room to a nursery.”

“Where is she, Robert? Did she say where she was going?”

He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. Leveling his gaze on me, he turned to a different subject. “You know, as much as I am loathe to admit it, you passed every test.”

“What?” I asked, confused as his quick change from talking about the baby to whatever he referred to now. “I need to find Serena. She shouldn’t be out late at night.”

“I think when she says she loves you she actually means it. I never put much stock in love, but I think she loves you. I have no doubt you love her. I think a part of me knew the minute I brought you into this house that you’d fall in love with her.”

“And still you’ve done everything you could to try to make her not want to be with me. You don’t care that I make her happy. I don’t even think you want her to be happy. You sure as fuck don’t want me to be happy. I need to go find Serena.”

On my way out of his office, I heard him say something about the cost of love, but I didn’t stop to ask what he meant. I had a sick feeling I knew.

Serena’s cell phonewent directly to voicemail for the third time in a row, and I tossed my phone onto the passenger seat in frustration before jamming the gas pedal to the floor. I needed to get to Alita’s before she did and ran into Jesse. I didn’t know what orders Robert had given him, but I couldn’t know making sure Serena remained unharmed was part of them.

Or if he hadn’t decided to kill two birds with one stone.

Mile after mile, I thought about the horrific possibility that Robert had told Jesse to take care of not only Alita but Serena herself. Would he follow through on that order? I wanted to believe the guy I knew would never knowingly hurt the woman I loved or her mother, but Jesse was entirely beholden to Robert.

And if tonight was the night he decided to punish Serena for finding her mother, Jesse’s job might just be to get rid of both women.

I couldn’t let him do that. I wouldn’t. He’d have to kill me first.

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