Page 88 of If You Fight

Taking his hand, I stood up and pulled him to his feet. He looked down at me with a look of complete confusion, but I had to try something. “Dance with me.”

“Serena, I…”

I placed his hand on the small of my back and held the other in my hand out to the side of us. “I remember the first time you held me like this. It felt like you hated even touching me,” I said with a smile.

He smiled for the first time that day and kissed me softly on the forehead as we began to sway back and forth. “I’ve never hated a moment I got to spend with you. Being with you is like a dream come true.”

Standing on my toes, I kissed his lips and felt the unbearable sadness in him. I wanted to make him see no matter what, we had each other and that was enough.

“I love you, Ryder. Tell me what you need and I will do whatever it takes to get it. I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

His eyes slowly closed, and he whispered, “I don’t know what to do. I fucked everything up, and now it’s just a matter of time.”

He stopped talking, but what he said made no sense. “What do you mean it’s just a matter of time? For what? Does he have you doing something, Ryder? What is it?”

Opening his eyes, he leaned down and kissed me tenderly, lingering against my lips as he said, “I love you, Serena. You have no idea how much it hurts to even think about living without you.”

We stopped dancing, and I stared up at him in horror, holding his face in my hands as panic shot through me. “What does that mean? Why would you have to live without me? Tell me! Did he say something like he was sending you away?”

Ryder shook his head and frowned. “No, but it feels like at any minute he’s going to order me to do something that will make you not love me anymore. You’ll see what I’ve become…and you’ll leave, like you should.”

Pressing my lips to his, I kissed him, desperate to make him understand how impossible it could be for me to not love him. I looked up into those green eyes so full of despair and hated that he couldn’t see how loved he was because of what my father had done to him.

“You are a good man, Ryder. You protect, and that’s never a bad thing.”

“The things I’ve done for him. I try to tell myself I had to so I could protect you, but…”

I couldn’t let him do this to himself. “Look at me. None of that was your fault. Oliver would have hurt me again if you didn’t do something to stop him. The others my father made you do. Don’t do this to yourself, Ryder.”

Hanging his head, he said quietly, “Do what? Accept who I am?”

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he reluctantly pulled it out to see who’d messaged. “He wants me down in his office.”

Grabbing his hand, I held it tightly. “Don’t go. Tell him you were asleep. Tell him you were drunk. Or I’ll tell him. Just don’t go. Stay here with me.”

He stood and shook his head. “I don’t have a choice.”

I held onto his hand, reaching so my fingertips still touched him, but he walked away toward the front door. “Hopefully, I won’t be long.”

As I satthere hating what my father was doing to Ryder and me, my mother called. I quickly answered and heard her voice full of fear.

“He was here, Serena. He knows. He warned me if I spoke to you again, he’d make me pay. Be careful, honey. He was furious.”

“Are you okay?” I asked, my heart racing in terror that he’d hurt her.

“I’ll be fine. I’m worried about you, though. You know how he is with anyone he thinks has deceived him.”

Suddenly, his message to Ryder seemed ominous. If my father wanted to punish me, the surest way would be to hurt Ryder.

“I have to go, Mom. I’ll call you tomorrow to check up on you,” I said as I hurried to get down to my father’s office.

“Be careful, Serena. He’s dangerous when he thinks he’s been betrayed, and right now, that’s what he feels we’ve done.”

“I will. I promise. I love you, Mom. Be careful too.”

Tearing down the steps, I broke into a run down the main hallway to my father’s office and found him sitting behind his desk like nothing was wrong. I looked around, but Ryder was nowhere to be found.

“Where is he? Why did you tell him you needed him if he’s not here?”

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