Page 48 of If You Fight

“Yeah. Don’t worry. I’ve got this handled.”

Serena nodded and smiled up at me, but I knew it was forced. “Good. I know you’ll do great and then we can go back to our life.”

Everything inside me pushed me to tell her this was going to be our life from this point on. Robert wasn’t going to just let me fight once and then be done with me. Win or lose, I was back in it again.

I didn’t say those words, though. I just hoped Serena found her mother soon and then we could both leave this place.

For three weeks,I trained harder than I’d ever done before. Floyd agreed to help me get back into fighting shape, even though he risked the wrath of his boss for doing it. I saw the fear in his eyes every time I stood to fight the sparring partners he brought in. He knew what I knew.

That two years away wasn’t going to be made up by some training in three weeks, no matter how hard I pushed myself. He could throw every guy he found at me and I could practice twenty hours a day, and it still wasn’t going to be enough.

The day before the fight, he sat down next to me as we waited for the next fighter to get to the warehouse. I sat on that same rusted metal chair I’d been sitting on when Robert Erickson walked into my room and announced he’d bought me like some used car he wanted to fix up. In those two years, I’d faced everything he pushed on me like I’d faced everything life had dealt me since that night my parents died.

But this felt different. This felt like something I might not be able to handle.

I knew that doubt could be my downfall in the fight that would happen in that very building just twenty-four hours from then. I’d never doubted myself when it was just me fighting for my life.

That’s how I’d seen it.

Fighting for my life. For the chance to have more than just the pain and suffering that The Pit offered if I could only make enough to pay Floyd off and get away from this shithole.

And now, after seeing what having money could do for someone, I was right back there like the stray that I truly was.

Floyd pulled up a chair and sat down next to me, kicking a broken piece of concrete out of the way with his foot. Never close, we usually had very little to say to one another, but in the past few weeks, I’d seen a side of him I’d never known existed back when I worked for him. Back then, he’d been more like that old guy Serena described from the Rocky movie, but now he seemed pensive whenever we were alone, like he had something on his mind he wanted to share.

Clearing his throat, he said, “I really believed I’d never see you back here again, kid. I figured after that fight with that gorilla Mr. Erickson had me go find, you’d be done. Then I found out you went to work for him and I thought to myself, ‘Well, he’s got to do what’s right for him,’ you know? But I figured you’d find your way around that world and do just fine.”

I turned my head to look over at him as I sat hunched over resting for my next sparring partner. “I thought I did just that. I guess I was wrong.”

He hesitated for a few seconds and shook his head. “What happened? Why does he want you back here fighting after two years away?”

Shrugging, I tried to pretend like I didn’t know what this whole thing was for Robert. I knew, though. This was his way of showing me how unworthy I was to have Serena. He wanted her to see I was nothing but that stray he brought home two years ago, and no matter how well I cleaned up or how well I seemed to fit in with his world, I was still less than an Erickson.

Even though he insisted on referring to me as his adopted son from time to time.

“Maybe he thinks I get better with age,” I said with a fake smile and hoped to convince Floyd I wasn’t scared half out of my fucking mind at what I’d face in tomorrow night’s fight.

“Yeah. Maybe,” Floyd said with the same forced joking tone in his voice.

Our conversation over, I hung my head and closed my eyes as I focused on the hope I’d seen in Serena’s eyes every time I told her everything would be fine. She asked at least once a day, and each time I pulled her close to me and kissed the top of her head so I wouldn’t have to face her when I lied.

Everything wasn’t going to be fine. Far from it. If I was lucky, I might make it out of this fight as badly hurt as when Robert had me beaten that day in his office. If I wasn’t, I’d be looking at a nice stay in the hospital or worse.

Shaking my head, I tried to clear my mind of the worse.

“You know, Ryder, I didn’t want to find that guy for him,” Floyd said in a low voice. “I didn’t have a choice.”

His words came out slowly, like he didn’t want to say them. I didn’t blame him or anyone but Robert for that fight. Floyd wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t have a choice.

None of us did in Robert Erickson’s world.

Looking over at Floyd, I saw what he had to do still bothered him after all this time. “You were just doing your job, man. We all have our roles to play, and that was yours. No hard feelings. Hell, I went to work for the guy after that, so I guess I must have been okay with things with him too.”

A look of confusion settled into Floyd’s face. “Yeah, why did you? Did you still owe him something?”

I thought back to that day when the doctor said I could leave the hospital and remembered thinking I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t come back here to the warehouse since Robert owned that, so where could I go and what would I do for money? I doubted he’d be willing to let me fight for anyone else.

Those realities didn’t leave me with many options. I could go back onto the streets and deal with the addicts and homeless I’d be stuck living with in the shadows. I’d done that before Floyd helped me out with the room in the warehouse, so I could have chosen that.

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