Page 3 of If You Fight

Like he couldn’t get out of that room fast enough, he nodded and announced he’d return with exactly what I asked for. Kissing me goodbye, he said in his kindest voice, “I love you, Serena. I’m so happy you’re going to be okay.”

He had no idea how not okay I was going to be until I made him pay for what he’d done. But I smiled and pretended to be thankful for such a wonderfully thoughtful husband.

“I’m going to go too. You need your rest, sweetheart,” my father said as he gave my hand a gentle squeeze. Another manipulator pretending to care.

“Thank you. I am feeling a little tired, I guess.”

“Well, we’ll get out of here, but you have Ryder to thank once again for the fact that you’re alive. If he hadn’t been there to save you, God only knows what may have happened.”

If God was paying attention, he knew exactly what would have happened.

I smiled at Ryder, and he took a step toward the bed. The troubled look on his face told me he didn’t understand what he’d just witnessed. Confused by my insistence that I’d been attacked by an intruder when he knew full well who had done this to me, he remained silent but tried to smile.

“Thank you again for saving my life. One of these days I’m going to have to repay the favor.”

“I just wish I got there in time to stop him. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

The pain in his voice told me he was sorry for more than that. We’d lost something beautiful we’d created. It was taken away by a hateful man I swore would pay back someday soon.

I reached out for his hand and took it in mine, soothed by him being there with me. “You saved me. I can’t tell you what that means to me, Ryder.”

“Well, we’re going to leave you to get some rest. If you need anything that Oliver doesn’t bring you, just call me, sweetheart,” my father said as he kissed my cheek and turned to leave.

“I want to talk to Ryder. Give us a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay. Ryder, I’ll be down at the car.”

Happy to get a few moments alone with him, I clung to Ryder’s hand as I waited for the door to close behind my father. When we were finally alone, I didn’t hold back my tears any longer. I didn’t have to.

As they rolled down my cheeks, he pulled me close and held me to him as I sobbed over what we’d lost. I felt the sadness in him and wished I could do more than simply fall apart.

He pressed his lips to the top of my head and whispered, “Why did you lie? You could have outed him right here and been done with him, Serena. Why let him off so easy?”

I leaned back and looked up into those green eyes so full of confusion, hoping he’d understand what I’d had to do. “That would have been too easy for him, Ryder. I couldn’t risk him somehow getting out of paying for what he’d done to me, to our baby, because of some slick lawyer. No way.”

My mention of the baby made Ryder wince, and he turned away from me. “I hate him, Serena. I hate the very sight of him,” he said quietly, his voice cracking.

“I know. I do too.”

“I swear, if I could, I would—” He stopped speaking and sighed as his shoulders sagged. “I hate him for what he did to you. To our baby.”

Tugging on his arm, I pleaded for him to look at me. I needed him to know I wasn’t going to just return to Oliver and that hateful life I had with him.

“Ryder, I want you to look at me. Please.”

He slowly turned his head, and his gaze zeroed in on my bruised neck. “He could have killed you, Serena.”

I placed my palm on his cheek and directed his eyes to mine. “I swear to you he won’t get away with this. I just need you to trust me. Please, I know what I’m doing.”

“What are you doing? Why not just show him to be the fuck he is and let the cops take care of him?” he asked, exasperation filling each word.

“Because I won’t risk not getting my revenge like that. He took something from me today, from us. I won’t let him get away with that.”

Ryder stared down at me sadly. “You sound like your father. You know that?”

He wasn’t wrong. I did sound like my father now. I’d heard my father threaten to exact his revenge on people nearly every day of my life, and I’d sworn I would never become that person. Now that Oliver had taken something so precious from me, I couldn’t help myself. I needed revenge for that.

“Is it so bad to want revenge on someone who hurt you?” I asked, desperate to hear him say he didn’t hate the person I’d become as I lay in that hospital bed.

“No, but revenge is a tricky thing. It starts out feeling good, but in the end, you get consumed by it.”

Turning away from him, I looked out the window and tried to explain what I felt. “All my life, I’ve been at the mercy of my father and what he wanted. And when he decided it was time, he gave me away to a husband who doesn’t care about me. Somehow, they both thought I’d be okay with that.”

“I’m not saying you ever deserved that, Serena. I just don’t want to see you become like them.”

I looked back at him and saw the concern in his eyes. “Maybe I’ve been wrong all this time. Maybe if I’d been more like my father this would have never happened.”

Ryder shook his head as his frown deepened. “Don’t. Don’t take the blame for what that bastard did.”

I wasn’t. The days of me taking the blame for what the monsters in my life did to me were over.

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