Page 12 of Getting it Right (Addy's Rollercoaster)

I went instantly tense, and she noticed.

“It’ll be okay.” She patted my knee. “You’ll love Dr. Rhodes. She’s wonderful, supportive, and a survivor herself.”

“Wow,” I muttered. “So many accomplished women.”

“The biggest accomplishment any of us can make isn’t a degree or a designation we can hang on the wall. It’s taking the step you already took, leaving your abuser.”

My brows drew together. “You might be right.”

“I know I am,” she said firmly. “And you’ll know so too by the time you leave here.”

• • •

Clara was right about Dr. Elizabeth Rhodes. While I sat in a group session with the other girls, I noticed how attentively she listened and how gently supportive she was. I found that carried over to my private session.

“You know you have my unconditional support.” Dr. Rhodes leaned toward me rather than away after I shared all that had happened with Martin. Knowing my session would be completely confidential, I hadn’t held anything back.

“Thank you,” I said, gratitude brimming in my eyes. “I haven’t had an advocate in a long time. And no one has ever supported me so unconditionally.”

Although Rachel certainly loved me, she didn’t hesitate to point out my mistakes. She was right to do so ... after all, she’d been correct about Martin. But if my sister knew all the horrible details like the ones I’d shared with Dr. Rhodes, I knew I’d lose what remaining respect she might have for me.

As for Barry, well, we’d crossed a line when we kissed. We couldn’t be just friends anymore, even if I hadn’t sent him away.

“You took a big step and did well today.” Dr. Rhodes clasped her hands together and moved them to punctuate her statements. “Though simply talking about the trauma doesn’t remove it. The degradation, the humiliation, the impact of those actions on your psyche can’t be forgotten. Knowing what we’re up against, we’ll work on helping you remember who you were before. We mourn the tragedy of our circumstances, but do that here in a stable environment. Then, once the past is settled in our minds and put in the proper perspective, we reconnect and integrate with society outside these walls.”

Confused, I frowned. “I understand the first part but not the latter.”

“Once you share with me and a few trusted friends on the outside—”

“I don’t have any close friends,” I said, cutting her off. “I mean, I did have one, but I lost him when this happened.”

“Then he’s not a true friend. A true friend would stand beside you, accept you, and encourage you to be strong. Outside these walls, you’ll be tempted to look backward when you need to be focused on what’s ahead. You’ll want to blame yourself for what happened, when the fault lies solely with the abuser. Some even romanticize their past life with the abuser and return to them, or they enter into another relationship just like the one that sent them here in the first place.”

Vehemently, I shook my head. “I’m not going to have any future relationships.”

“You say that now.” Dr. Rhodes tilted her head, and her short, straight gray hair brushed the gold hoops that adorned her ears. “But you’re young and beautiful, a smart woman brimming with potential. You’ll have more.”

I didn’t correct her, but I meant what I’d said. I would never attempt a relationship again. For one thing, Martin was Martin. Legal agreement or not, he would always be a threat.

In my head, I agreed that Martin was to blame for the abuse, that there was no excuse for what he did to me. It was completely and utterly wrong. I would just have to remember and maintain that proper perspective alone.

Barry wasn’t around to help me anymore. I would never allow any man into my life again. Martin had broken something fundamental inside me that was beyond repair.

Plus, there was a storm brewing on the horizon. A very dark day was coming when I would have to give up my daughter. It was a decision no one could support or understand who didn’t know Martin.

I didn’t know if I could survive it.

Addy

Six months later

“Addy,” Clara said, poking her head into the room during group therapy time. “Can you come to my office after class? We need to discuss the details of your work reintegration program.”

“Yes.” I nodded.

I’d filled out the paperwork and was sure there were going to be complications with what I wanted to do. My interest was in bartending. I wanted to use what I already knew to get a job on the other side of this.

The problem was that I was underage. At nineteen, I would have to settle for waitressing until I turned twenty-one, but maybe I could serve food in an establishment that had alcohol, gain experience that I could use down the road.

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