Page 73 of Getting it Right (Addy's Rollercoaster)

“No, you shouldn’t.” He moved suddenly, blocking my path.

“Barry, I went about it wrong back then. I’ve apologized to you. I don’t know what else I can say. But let me get it right now.”

I pulled in a shaky breath and craned my neck so I could maintain his gaze. Finding his expression soft, and his eyes warm and wonderful, gave me the strength I needed to end this impossible endeavor.

“I can’t do breakfast anymore with you, or another kiss,” I said, knowing his lips on mine again would level me. “I can’t hold your hand, share a hug, share about my day, or anything else with you.”

He scowled. “Why the fuck not?”

“Don’t be angry.”

I placed my hand on his cheek. The sharpness in his gaze and the displeased lines bracketing his mouth immediately smoothing, he leaned into my palm. Tears sprang into my eyes.

“Disappointing you kills me,” I said softly. “Having you back in my life, even briefly like this, has been wonderful. Like waking again after being in hibernation.”

“That’s a good thing, Addy. And, babe, you need to know that the world is a brighter place for me just being with you.”

“But it can’t stay brighter.” I sighed. “I can’t give you what you need. What you deserve.”

“I think you can.” His brows pinched together. “I think you’re afraid to try.”

“Maybe I am,” I mumbled. “You were always the brave one.”

His brows drew together. “How do you figure that?”

“You were dealt a shittier hand than me, yet you overcame it and went on to have a healthy relationship. You have a son.”A child you got to keep, I thought but didn’t say.

“My marriage wasn’t healthy. It was a mistake.” His jaw hardened. “It was wrong of me to enter into a relationship with Katy with my heart not fully engaged. I hurt her, and my son witnessed that. I was a poor example. I’m trying to fix that by choosing who I should have chosen all along.”

“Not me.” I shook my head. “I’m not a right choice for anyone.”

“I disagree.” Barry’s lips flattened. “Don’t put me on a pedestal. I don’t want to be on one. I want to be right here on the ground with you. I don’t want to be with just anyone.” He covered my hand on his cheek with his. “I want to be with you.”

“If you’d said those things back then, I would have chosen you.” I pleaded with him to understand. “But we’re not back then. That’s all over. You can’t unwind what’s already been done.”

“I’m not talking about unwinding. You were there. I was. We learned from what we went through. We grew.” His eyes searched mine.

“You grew,” I said. I’d remained a seed in barren soil, without the nurturing and support that I’d needed after the abuse.

“You’re growing now,” he said. “And I’ll help you continue, like I used to.”

“But—”

“No buts.”

“You’re being bossy.” I pursed my lips, and he tapped them.

“I’m being who you need.”

Barry was always who I needed. He wasn’t the problem.

Seeing that he’d made his points, a lot of good ones, he gentled his tone. “We can go slow if you need slow. Sometimes, it might feel fast. I’ll push through the uncomfortable parts when necessary. But it’s no longer up for debate. You and me, Addy, we’re moving forward.”

Addy

As I stepped out of Barry’s spacious shower dripping wet, he rapped on the closed bathroom door.

“Your clothes are out here on the bed.”

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