Page 95 of Where You Belong

I haven’t talked to Andie about my conversation with Rob. I can’t handle her pushback. I can’t fight one more fight right now, even though a battle sits before me out on the field.

Talking to Shane and Mark hasn’t helped. What I really want is to hear Andie’s voice and have her give me shit because, on some level, it makes me feel like everything might actually be ok. It reminds me that this is just a job, and when I walk out of here, there are more important things waiting.

The problem is, besides my brothers and Maggie and the kids, I don’t know if there is anything else. I don’t know what will happen with Andie. I don’t know if she’ll continue to push me away and eventually be successful.

“Hey, man. You alright?” Tyrell leans up against the side of my locker.

“Yeah. Just thinking.” I swallow down the bile choking me.

“Something you need to get off your chest before we go out there?” He points to his head. “This needs to be here.”

I nod, knowing he’s right. “I can’t turn my brain off.”

“This about the rumors?”

I shrug. “Which ones?”

“Any of them?”

“How about all of them?” I try to smile, but I do a shit job of it.

“One play at a time, man. That’s all you can do today. Leave tomorrow in here. You’re a good man, Sean. You’ll end up on top of all of this.” He punches my shoulder. “Now, let’s bring in a win and show these sissies what we’re made of.”

I tighten my pads and pull my jersey over. I only have a minute before Coach comes in, but I grab my phone, not stopping to think about it, and dial Andie.

The longer it rings, the harder my heart beats in my chest. I need hope that something else exists beyond this. I’ve never wanted anything else, and now I need something. I need her. Her voicemail picks up, and her voice is strong in telling me to leave a message. I close my eyes and breathe, trying to swallow down my fear.

“Hey, I’m about to head into the tunnel, but I hoped to catch you. I met with Rob and…I know I haven’t called. I kept my promise, but I wanted to tell you about it. Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later.”

I hang up, my eyes still closed. I lean over, resting my arms on my locker, trying to breathe around the obstruction in my throat. I spent the past few years living a different life. It was easier living in a superficial world based on a well-groomed image and only living for the game. The weather was beautiful there every day, but it wasn’t real.

Life is hard, tiresome, and scary. I spent my childhood knowing only those things. I escaped for a while, but it left me lonely, isolated, and in the end, afraid. All of these things will work themselves out, just like they did when I turned eighteen and I was set free. Today is hard, but I know that at some point, tomorrow won’t be.

I suck in a deep breath, only having that to hold on to. I shove it all to the side and grab my helmet, readying myself to join my team in the tunnel. As agitated and exhausted as I feel, it’s better than not feeling anything at all. I’ll tackle one play at a time and see where I end up. Hopefully, wherever that is, I won’t be back to lonely and scared. I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.

Chapter 37

ANDIE

“What are you doing?”

Nora is sprawled out on the floor, scrolling her iPad and looking at table settings.

She peeks at me over her shoulder. “Gem asked me to help her plan her party, so I was putting together some table-setting ideas. She said she wants simple and classic.”

My eyes switch to Gem, who’s holding Ax, but has her attention pasted to the Tigers game. “Seriously, all of a sudden, you want to have some fancy party. Since when do you celebrate getting older?”

“Sweet cheeks, eighty is a milestone. I look damn good for a new decade, so I’ve decided it should be recognized.”

“And what kind of party are the two of you planning?”

Gem raises her nose slightly. “Just a small dinner with close family and friends.”

I squint my eyes at her suspiciously. This woman either goes grand or goes home. “Simple and small. What’s up with you?”

“When was the last time I planned a party? It’s been ages, and it seems about time. Eighty is a rite of passage. Besides, I can throw a small dinner party for no reason at all if I want to, but this seems like an excellent reason. You and Ax are the first guests on the list.”

“Who else is coming?” At least two names on that list will make me wince.

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