Page 83 of A War of Ruin and Reckoning

“I’ll take care of her training,” he replied curtly.

“You have Guardians to wrangle and the Prime’s position to fill.”

“She’s not dead yet,” he snapped. “Filling the Prime’s role isn’t part of my job.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped. “Then what have you been doing all this time?”

Nova watched the exchange and felt her blood boil with every word out of Leaf’s mouth. How could he say the nicest things sometimes and then this? It was true. He needed someone to pop that balloon head of his. He’d been alone for far too long. Pushing up her metaphorical sleeves, she decided she had plenty of work to do. No time to hold grudges.

“You haven’t asked if I want you to train me,” she said. “You just waltz in here like you own the place and assume you can boss me around. So excuse us if we think you will step in and provide these people some much-needed stability in the absence of their leader. So which one are you? The boss or not?”

“Um…” He gave Clarke a helpless look, but her expression said he was on his own. Her foot tapped, waiting for his response.

But when none came, she finished for him. “Demanding I drop everything at your whim is not nice. Forbidding me to help isnot nice. My feelings matter.”

That last sentence caught in her throat. She hadn’t meant to refer to his demands last night, but there it was. Leaf’s eyes widened briefly. Clarke scrunched up her freckled nose and glanced away.

“You need to eat, Nova.” Leaf’s tone dropped an octave. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve avoided the kitchen. You’ve left plates in our room half full.”

“The brownies don’t want me in the kitchen.”

“I’ll have a word—”

“That’s not what I asked, and you know it.” She shook her head, exasperated. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Wait.” Leaf took a deep breath and exhaled. He looked at Clarke and said, “You’re right about the testing. I did ask for it to be done. If it’s okay with you, I can test Nova’s capabilities and return her to you at the academy by nightfall. If she agrees.”

Clarke folded her arms and stared at him. It seemed she would fight Leaf on the subject, but she also dropped her shoulders and exhaled. “We’re all very tense right now. I get it. If you want to take over the testing, I don’t see a problem as long as Nova agrees.”

When his hopeful gaze met hers, she knew she had to hear him out.

“Fine,” she said through clenched teeth.

“She has no chaos whatsoever,” Clarke explained to Leaf. “That’s likely why she can amplify a single drop of pure mana. Do your testing and then…” Another sigh. “Like I said, we’re all a little stressed. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Maybe we should all enjoy the evening with our loved ones.” To Nova, she added, “Don’t feel pressured about what I said earlier. Just be yourself.”

ChapterThirty-Six

As Clarke walked down the long steps, Nova turned to Leaf. His emotions jumbled through their bond, but she could read his face. He still held so many of Jace’s natural characteristics and quirks. She’d seen this look on him many times, like before a track race at school or… after Niles had said that one thing that sent him away.

It peeked through his stoic mask and was in the tension line across his broad shoulders. His hair was swept off his forehead like he’d run his fingers through it too many times. His jaw ticked. He breathed quietly, as though uncertain of himself.

One emotion started to overpower the rest through their bond. Nova focused on his feelings and realized she’d been wrong. She hadn’t quite hit the nail on the head when reading his expression all these years. She thought he’d been annoyed, angry, or uncertain.

“You’re afraid,” she blurted.

Blue eyes snapped to hers. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Take your pick.” A sharp laugh huffed from his twisted lips. He ran his fingers through his hair again, inhaled, and then let it all out on the exhale. “I’m afraid because of this battle. I’m afraid I cannot control my fate. I’m afraid I’ll lose you before I show you I’m not this insensitive elf all the time. I’m afraid I won’t be able to protect you.” He frowned, looked at the floor, and murmured, “I’m afraid I’ll fail you.”

She stared at him, long and hard. There were so many things she could say to that. She was afraid, too. Fear wasn’t an excuse for being apendejo. She failed him in their old life just as much as he thought he failed her.

“Why?” she asked.

Confusion crossed over his features. “Why?”

“Yes,Papi. Why are you afraid you’ll fail? Why is it something you fear?”

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